Dear Ryan Tipton,

Thank you for getting a myspace page, your posts have been fun to steal and subsequently use on my blog.

Sincerely,

Cory Graham

Ok, maybe that was a bit much, but this is going to mark the second post in a week that has somehow come from Ryan's myspace. Ryan's latest blog post has a fairly neat little game that relies on your computer's music playlist to dictate the soundtrack of your life. I attempted to find an image of "soundtrack of your life" on google just now, hoping for some sort of cheesy Dick Clark thing, but managed only to find this surly looking fellow.


I'm not sure what the soundtrack of his life actually is, but I'd imagine that it involves bands with scary names and tubes of eyeliner. Oh, and if you're reading this and happen to be this guy, my name is really Nathan Johnson... come try to kick my ass.

Anyway, here's how it works. You have a series of moments in your day that represent the movie that would (and should) be made about your life. You put your mp3 list on "shuffle" (in my case, itunes) and then record the song that corresponds to each part of your life, writing a clever little snippet about what happened at that point. It's important that you don't cheat! No skipping over that cheesy Barry Manilow song you downloaded in a drunken stupor that night after too many at the karaoke bar. It's your life, it ain't always pretty. So, without further discussion, let's see if this can in any way make for a good story.

I should point out that my itunes list at work isn't particularly vast, so we're bound to have some repeat artists.

Opening Credits - Big In Japan (Tom Waits) - Hopefully this isn't foreshadowing. As much as I'd like to be a huge star overseas, I'm confused by Japanese culture and I'm not sure that I could actually handle a regular diet of "Super Awesome Yankee Soda" to wash down my "Manly Happy Superbowl Rice Cakes."

Waking Up - Unknown Title (Oasis) - The song is from a bootleg Oasis record made before they were signed. I don't know the title, but I do know that it may be the worst song I've ever heard. It's about starting over and walking away from an old life. Apparently the womb was tough on me. I must have survived back-alley abortions, fetal alcohol syndrome and Indian food. Well, at least I made it!

First Day At School - Enemy (Dirty Pretty Things) - I strut into Kindergarten with sunglasses on and a mohawk. I'm shooting looks at the ladies, claiming my nap area and knocking down nerds for their graham crackers and milk. So, yeah, it's the exact opposite of my real first day of school... damn bullies... I really wanted that graham cracker too.

Fight Song - End Of A Century (Blur) - The perfect score to what would have to be the worst fight in history, an epic slap-fight. Of course, if it's an emotional thing and not actual physical violence then this might just work. Either way, I'm clearly a wuss... maybe that whole Japan thing isn't looking so bad.

Breaking Up - Phantom 309 (Red Sovine) - Broken hearted, I set out to discover America by hitchiking across the country. I was picked up by a ghost and given a free cup of coffee in a diner. I spent the next year in that same diner trying to get more free coffee, but they get tired of hearing about that ghost after a while.

Happiness - Last of the Famous International Playboys (Morrissey) - I left my life as a drifter behind, in search of a better life. I found this happiness in the dusty Arizona terrain. I promptly styled my hair into a pompadour, bought some gold-lamet shirts and tricked out a 74 Lincoln. Things were really starting to look up.

Life's Okay - Jersey Girl (Tom Waits) - One night, as I drove through the cool, painted desert, I stumbled across a fellow drifter. Her name was Francine Frischmann and she had the most beautiful accent... the sweet sound of a Jewish girl from Newark... could angels sing so sweetly? Surely not.

Driving - Killing In The Name (Rage Against The Machine) - High on cheap mescaline and tequila, Francine and I took out one night with a box of shotgun shells and a convertible. Six hours later we left a trail of carnage along Route 66. The next morning we awoke to find our pictures splashed across every newspaper in America. Of course, we didn't remember actually DOING anything, but since they seemed to have pictures of us in the act we couldn't really deny it... so we changed course for the border.

Flashback - Mamma & Me (Nellie McKay) - As we made our way to the border I looked back on my life and where it had all gone wrong. Having dealt with a miserable childhood (thanks Oasis!) I guess I never had a chance. I was turned out on my own at an early age and nothing ever seemed to go my way. I pulled over at the next gas station, tortured by guilt, and handed Francine the keys to the car. I set out on foot, looking for a police station, I needed to turn myself in. The charges were heavy, I was facing life in prison at best... however, a few costly mistakes by the Arizona State Police led to an astonishing lack of evidence and I was back on the streets.

Getting Back Together - Three Day Rule (Little Man Tate) - With a spring in my step and a new lease on life I set out to conquer the world. My old habits quickly caught up to me and I found myself in a Mexican tequila bar knocking back slammers with large, mustached men. In the corner of the bar, waiting tables, I saw her... Francine had made it to Tijuana.

Wedding - Cupcake (Nellie McKay) - We were wed the next month. It wasn't long until I found myself falling back into that same routine of petty crimes and the occasional felony to support our lifestyle. Times were hard, but we were getting by. I started to find myself involved with some rather nasty characters in the Mexican underworld, so in the still of the night Francine and I slipped across the border and into San Diego to start a new life, which seemed appropriate since she was now six-months pregnant.

Birth of A Child - October, First Account (Be Your Own Pet) - Our child was born shortly after we settled in to a new life in California. Three mouths to feed proved to be substantially more difficult than two, so I stepped up my activities. We made a comfortable life for ourselves in the city, but my past wasn't something that you could shake over night. Worst case scenerios exist for a reason, and mine was just around the corner.

Final battle - Heartattack & Vine (Tom Waits) - The boys in Mexico didn't appreciate us skipping town in the middle of the night. By "didn't appreciate," I mean they were extremely upset... and by "extremely upset" I mean that they had planned to kill us. One night, just after we put the baby to bed, I heard a knock at the door. I opened it, just a crack, only to have it kicked into my face. As I laid sprawled across the floor, my wife and child screaming, I saw a familiar face standing over me. It looked like my luck had finally run out.

Death Scene - Orange Claw Hammer (Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band) - As they nasty hombres from south of the border stood over us, deciding exactly what type of gruesome fate was to await us, I slipped my hand underneath the couch, grabbing a rather large claw hammer (really needed this song here!). With everything I had I brought it across the knee of the nearest bad guy. Screaming in pain he dropped his gun, which I promply picked up and used to dispatch the angry mob (hey, nobody said it had to be MY death!).

Funeral Song - Killamangiro (Babyshambles) - We packed up what we could and drove off into the night. I can't really comment on the funeral situation for those guys, as I doubt we would have been welcome guests. We made our way across the country and up the coast, finally arriving back in Jersey where we joined her family and managed to live a quiet, suburban life for the rest of our days.

End Credits - She's My Man (Scissor Sisters) - Apparently things turned out extremely well for our little family of outlaws, as this isn't exactly the type of music you associate with a "down ending." I guess the credits are probably rolling over family photos. Hey, there I am taking our son to soccer practice... oh, and there's Francine baking a birthday cake. Thanks itunes, things were looking grim for a bit!

Ok, so there you have it. It's not really the story of my life (thank God), but it's probably fairly close to the story of SOMEBODY'S life. Either way, it was fun to write. Now, I'm going to leave you guys to start downloading some happier tunes... damn that was depressing.