Why does everyone hate the French?

Paris, as seen from The Eiffel Tower

Today I found a joke in my inbox, funny as could be, but taking shots at the French. As I looked at the graphic that accompanied this joke (a cartoon American unleashing his cartoon urine on a cartoon France) I asked myself, "why do Americans so hate the French?" This inspired me to do a bit of thinking and attempt to come up with some of the more pervasive French stereotypes and play devil's advocate with our cheese-eating surrender-monkey brothers across the pond.

#1. The French are Rude to Americans.

This one is my favorite. I so enjoy it because it's most commonly heard by Americans that, by and large, have never encountered a French person in their entire life. It's also fairly typical of that good old fashioned American arrogance that we hear so much about. For example, an American goes on vacation to Paris. Being American (and assuming that the entire civilized world speaks English), he or she makes absolutely no effort to learn one word of the native tongue of the land in which he or she is visiting. After a few hours lost in downtown Paris, and without any help from the locals, said American becomes angry and declares that all French people are RUDE!

Of course, this very same American then returns to his home in Texas and complains about the "goddamn foreigners" coming into his country. "This is America," he says, "don't come over here if you ain't willin' to speak the damn language." Nothing is funnier than a linguistics lesson from a man tossing the word "ain't" around.

2. The French are Cowards.

If I had a nickel for every time that I've heard someone say, "The damn Frenchies better kiss our ass, if it wasn't for us they'd be speakin' German right now." Well, that's true, but need I remind you that if it weren't for them we'd have been in WWII much earlier, as members of the British Army. Yes, we provided a great deal of support for the French in WWII, and contrary to popular belief, they actually appreciate it. But try not to forget that the French did do a great deal of "ass-saving" in the Revolutionary War. As best I can see, we're even after WWII.

Furthermore, how is it that Americans are willing to forgive the Italians, Germans and Japanese... people that actually KILLED AMERICANS, but not those dirty French.

Paris, as seen from The Bastille

#3. What have the French done that we haven't done better?

Allow me to cite a few examples.

French Impressionism

French New Wave

French Cooking

French Wine

French Salad Dressing

French Stewart

In fact, let's be realistic here, I could go on for hours about things that the French have done and are doing better than we are, but no one cares that much, so let's just get on with it.

#4. Their women don't shave.

Yes they do.

#5. They all smell

No they don't, although surely some do, but if you've ever spent more than a few seconds on a subway car then you're very aware that this isn't confined to the borders of France.

Paris, as seen from Da Club

So, there you have it. A few minutes defending our much-beleaguered friends, the French. No, they aren't perfect, in fact they're just like everyone else. So, please stop stereotyping the beret-wearing, chain smoking cheese munchers and hug a frenchman or woman today. You can take your pick, but I think I'll be hugging Melissa Theuriau... because let's face it folks, that's one thing we DON'T have... Melissa Theuriau.