So, I've spent most of my life hearing how gays were evil, how the Bible said so, and that was just it. Period. No argument. Evil. To be honest, and I'm a bit ashamed of this, I've just accepted that as true and moved along. To clarify, I never saw homosexuals as evil, but saw it as a sin, and by no means more of a sin than my desire to drink too much beer from time to time or curse like a sailor during football season.
However, today I decided to actually take a good, strong look at Leviticus... the chapter of the Old Testament that seems to be the most direct line between homophobes and God. Now, before you think, "oh lord, this is going to be a long, boring post," think again. It's just going to be quick synopsis of exactly why this particular verse is completely irrelevant to any serious biblical argument.
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." (Leviticus 18:22)
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13)
"But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you." (Leviticus 11:10)
"They (shellfish) shall be an abomination to you; you shall not eat their flesh, but you shall regard their carcasses as an abomination." (Leviticus 11:11)3
Now, allow me to quickly list a few more "abhorrent" (to use preferred nomenclature of MOVIEGUIDE) things that all come side by side in this list of nasties.
"For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him." (Leviticus 20:9)
"If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has discovered her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from her people." (Leviticus 20:18)
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45)
"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." (Leviticus 19:27)
"...do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." (Leviticus 19:19)
So, there you have it. If homosexuality is as evil as we're told, then the following things are true. First of all shrimp is an abomination, we can't forget that. But there are a few more laws that I expect each and every anti-gay zealot to follow to the letter.
1. The next time your child smarts off, chop off his or her head. It's the law.
2. If you and your wife happen to catch each other in the buff during her "monthly cycle," you are to both be deported immediately.
3. Slavery is not only legal, but encouraged. If some slaves are too far away, borrow from a neighbor.
4. NO HAIRCUTS. This will be especially difficult for those of you that have become accustomed to the phrase, "Long Haired Hippies."
5. No cotton/poly blends. Personally, I like this one.
Anyone caught disobeying even one of these laws will be subject to persecution and publicly executed. After all, God doesn't like it when we pick and choose which rules to follow, isn't that right Reverend Falwell?
posted by Cory | 12:22 PM
5 Comments:
Hey, this is my favorite post as well.
Let's face it. Without gay men, more than half of all proctologists would be out of a job. It isn't easy cleaning hamster fur out of a spot like that you know. In all seriousness, do you really think homophobes' hatred of homosexuals has anything at all to do with God or even religion. Sure, church is where they go to be with people of a common way of thinking, and I'm sure preachers like to use homosexuality as a whipping boy on the days they DON'T want to piss anyone in the congregation off, but homophobia comes from fear of what is different, and fear of homosexual feelings within oneself. For instance, ol' Billy Bob down at the bar can't be accused of being queer just because he thinks Peyton Manning is the bomb, if he's already on record as hating all faggots everywhere. If he didn't make it known how much he hates fags, people might think he was a fag just because he sits and watched nice big muscle men in tights bump up against each other for hours at a time.
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Sorry to have removed the last comment, but I felt that it was a bit to snippy. I'm fully aware of the New Testament, and that in both Romans and Timothy there are vague references that could possibly allude to homosexuality.
My issue is with the scores of people in both my community and others that use one line from a now largely irrelevant section of the Bible to "prove" a point that really has no merit. I've heard this passage referenced for years, just thought I'd point out how absurd it truly was... and I don't mean that I hear it referenced by Jewish Hardliners.
Leviticus 19:27
Proof that God hates the mullet
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