Insomnia has now become a rather important part of my life. Long gone are the days of falling asleep at 11:30 and waking up refreshed for work at 7:30, we now welcome the days of a nap around six, actual sleep around one, waking up at four, then back to sleep at five to wake up at 7:30. However, this sleep schedule really doesn't bother me much, as I get to see what the rest of the world usually doesn't... Dish Network at 4:00 AM.
Somewhere around that time I caught the tail of a news story in which a professional alligator handler received a particularly nasty bite on the noggin while trying to insert his head into the gator's mouth. The reaction was, of course, to destroy the alligator... the MAN-EATING alligator. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't all alligators essentially man-eating alligators? Furthermore, at what point does personal responsibility factor into this? I certainly won't sit here and pretend that I've never passed the buck on some idiotic move that I've made, insisting that it had to be someone or something else's fault, but being that my hypocrisy knows no bounds I will now cast stones at these people.
I'm certainly no PETA person, I love leather and if it ever had a pulse I'll probably eat it, however I do think it's a bit unfair to punish the gator for doing exactly what gators do. Of the two creatures involved in this situation, one of them was doing what it was supposed to (trying to eat a creature that was already in it's mouth), the other was doing something that it clearly wasn't supposed to do (putting it's head in the aforementioned creature's mouth). Open and shut case if you ask me.
Many Europeans drive these... so before you draw comparisons you might need to park your Hummer H2.
Thus, four-dollar gas in America is DRAMATICALLY worse than six dollar gas in the Netherlands... and for the record, gas is twelve cents per gallon in Venezuela.
The U.S. Stock Market is down. Not by much, just a few points, but on the same day the Chinese and Japanese markets were soaring. Get used to it.
Finally, we'll turn back the clock to what I saw right before I drifted off to dream, Fox's new hit show, House. I've heard some buzz, and the subject matter seemed to be pretty interesting, so I tuned in. In case you missed last night's episode, Dr. House (worst television name EVER) is working to beat the clock as a cancer stricken woman refuses to take treatment, feeling that God is healing her. House has to prove that it isn't God, and get her medical attention, the catch... the tumors are getting smaller.
Apparently this show plays like 1/2 medical drama and 1/2 detective show (because we all know that any show without SOME sort of detective work just isn't worth having on the air) as we're treated to scene after scene of Dr. House figuring out clues and his staff breaking into this woman's home with radiation detectors. Why you ask? Well, SOMETHING in the house must be giving off radiation and curing this woman's cancer... I'm not kidding.
Finally, after exhausting all possible options, Dr. House determines that the young boy that has been "healing this woman" with the "power of Christ" actually has herpes and has been sleeping with her. Apparently on House, herpes cure cancer. You really did read that correctly, her tumors were shrinking because the herpes virus was attacking the cancer.
Now, this brings me to a question for anyone with any medical knowledge... is that, as I suspect, the most idiotic thing I've ever heard OR can herpes cure cancer? And if they can cure cancer then why haven't we been all over this for years? Who wouldn't trade herpes for cancer!? We can work on curing herpes later, just get the brain tumor out of my head, doc!
I can see the public service announcement now....
Black screen, a synthesizer fills the air. Over the darkness you hear "You've got the touch! You've got the powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! YEAH!" The screen lights up to see an army of hookers, sailors and porn stars cheering and dancing to the song. Then cut to the musical montage of them marching into hospitals wearing headbands and some sort of t-shirt with some sort of logo splashed across the front. Finally as the song winds down we have a slogan, maybe Kobe Bryant acts as the spokesperson, "Join the Herpes Alliance today, together we can beat cancer!"
Slow piano... "you've got the touch..." BIG FINISH, everyone put their hands in the air, they're wearing some sort of rubber bracelet... but God knows what it looks like.
Anyway, I'm open to ideas.
UPDATE: Brinton came with the science. Apparently the herpes cures cancer thing isn't a Hollywood creation at all... now why wasn't this on the news?
Somewhere around that time I caught the tail of a news story in which a professional alligator handler received a particularly nasty bite on the noggin while trying to insert his head into the gator's mouth. The reaction was, of course, to destroy the alligator... the MAN-EATING alligator. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't all alligators essentially man-eating alligators? Furthermore, at what point does personal responsibility factor into this? I certainly won't sit here and pretend that I've never passed the buck on some idiotic move that I've made, insisting that it had to be someone or something else's fault, but being that my hypocrisy knows no bounds I will now cast stones at these people.
I'm certainly no PETA person, I love leather and if it ever had a pulse I'll probably eat it, however I do think it's a bit unfair to punish the gator for doing exactly what gators do. Of the two creatures involved in this situation, one of them was doing what it was supposed to (trying to eat a creature that was already in it's mouth), the other was doing something that it clearly wasn't supposed to do (putting it's head in the aforementioned creature's mouth). Open and shut case if you ask me.
Shortly after that story I was treated to an analysis of the current state of gas prices on Fox News. Of course, the good people of Fox News were quick to remind us that as gas hits FOUR DOLLARS PER GALLON in parts of California, we should be grateful that we don't live in one of those Godless European countries where gasoline is always four bucks a gallon... even six bucks in the Netherlands. Now, I'm sure that I don't have to point out to you exactly why there's a difference here, but just in case I'll sum it up quickly. When you live in a country the size of Ohio (or smaller) and a sophisticated mass transit system links everything in and around your nation together there's no need for a car. If you can walk to anything nearby or take a train to something on the other side of town, a car becomes a luxury (if you'd call it that) and thus gas goes from being a necessary evil for most citizens to something they rarely worry about.
Many Europeans drive these... so before you draw comparisons you might need to park your Hummer H2.The U.S. Stock Market is down. Not by much, just a few points, but on the same day the Chinese and Japanese markets were soaring. Get used to it.
Finally, we'll turn back the clock to what I saw right before I drifted off to dream, Fox's new hit show, House. I've heard some buzz, and the subject matter seemed to be pretty interesting, so I tuned in. In case you missed last night's episode, Dr. House (worst television name EVER) is working to beat the clock as a cancer stricken woman refuses to take treatment, feeling that God is healing her. House has to prove that it isn't God, and get her medical attention, the catch... the tumors are getting smaller.
Apparently this show plays like 1/2 medical drama and 1/2 detective show (because we all know that any show without SOME sort of detective work just isn't worth having on the air) as we're treated to scene after scene of Dr. House figuring out clues and his staff breaking into this woman's home with radiation detectors. Why you ask? Well, SOMETHING in the house must be giving off radiation and curing this woman's cancer... I'm not kidding.
-----------------SPOILER ALERT-----------------------
Finally, after exhausting all possible options, Dr. House determines that the young boy that has been "healing this woman" with the "power of Christ" actually has herpes and has been sleeping with her. Apparently on House, herpes cure cancer. You really did read that correctly, her tumors were shrinking because the herpes virus was attacking the cancer.
Now, this brings me to a question for anyone with any medical knowledge... is that, as I suspect, the most idiotic thing I've ever heard OR can herpes cure cancer? And if they can cure cancer then why haven't we been all over this for years? Who wouldn't trade herpes for cancer!? We can work on curing herpes later, just get the brain tumor out of my head, doc!
I can see the public service announcement now....
Black screen, a synthesizer fills the air. Over the darkness you hear "You've got the touch! You've got the powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! YEAH!" The screen lights up to see an army of hookers, sailors and porn stars cheering and dancing to the song. Then cut to the musical montage of them marching into hospitals wearing headbands and some sort of t-shirt with some sort of logo splashed across the front. Finally as the song winds down we have a slogan, maybe Kobe Bryant acts as the spokesperson, "Join the Herpes Alliance today, together we can beat cancer!"
Slow piano... "you've got the touch..." BIG FINISH, everyone put their hands in the air, they're wearing some sort of rubber bracelet... but God knows what it looks like.
Anyway, I'm open to ideas.
UPDATE: Brinton came with the science. Apparently the herpes cures cancer thing isn't a Hollywood creation at all... now why wasn't this on the news?
posted by Cory | 5:54 AM
1 Comments:
Is House not Dr. House. Get it right Mr. Graham. I love House. It's a great show and the name is just fine. It's named after the guiness doctor. Anyway, you stick your head in an aligators mouth, you get what's coming to you. That's to you who join the circus and put your head in a tiger's mouth! Duh, the outcome is predictable. Personally, I just consider it fast food. How much better can life get when food comes running into your mouth?
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