Good morning folks, who wants to talk about the Jack Abramoff scandal? Don't worry, I'll make this as painless as possible. I could swamp you with information, factiods and quotes... but what fun would that be? Essentially the story comes down to the same old song and dance that we've been shucking and jiving along to for years... corruption, greed and screwing the Indians (er, uhm, Native Americans... sorry).

So who exactly is Jack Abramoff (and don't think that I missed the joke wherein I'd spell the first five letters of his name in a smaller font than the last three)? Well, for starters he appears to be a character from an old Carol Reed film.


Seriously, could this guy look any more like a villain? I fully expect him to be shaking down local merchants for protection money, not congress. And what the hell is with conservatives and these goofy hats?

Dear Conservatives,

I regret to inform you that we have now entered the 21st Century. Upon arrival we began confiscating trench coats and private detective hats. We will also be putting in a ban on phrases such as, "Cheese it, it's the fuzz," "You'll never take me alive, copper!" and "We're gonna go for a little ride, see."

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Sincerely,

The Rest of F$&@ing Society

Now, with that out of the way, let's address some of the issues surrounding exactly what's going on with this Abramoff dude. Essentially Mr. Abramoff, along side Congress' favorite choirboy Tom DeLay, managed to line his pockets on the back of Indian Gambling interests to the tune of 66 MILLION DOLLARS. He then did what any wise investor does, he invested that money in society's one fool-proof, never fail investment... Congress.

Of course, this scandal is far more complicated than that. In fact, that explanation is almost childlike in its simplicity. So, for a more detailed explanation of what's going on click here. Or, if you just don't feel like reading that rather lengthy document, check out this chart. It may do more to confuse than clarify, but it's worth a shot.


Now, you knew that this could only be the tip of the iceberg. Surely as enlightened, intelligent readers of Blogjammin' you've figured out by now that President Bush SURELY has to be involved in this mess somehow. Well, you're right!

Two weeks ago White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan informed the White House Press Corps that he would be assembling a "comprehensive report" on President Bush's relationship with Jack Abramoff. As Americans we were lead to believe that all would soon be revealed. Well, big effing shock, nothing is to be revealed. In true Bush fashion we were told last week that the President had never met Jack Abramoff, they had nothing in common, they didn't know each other.

Of course now we're being informed that Abramoff was a "Pioneer" in the Bush election campaign (which means that he contributed a minimum of $100,000 to Bush's election efforts), worked on the Bush transition team and charged clients $25,000 for face time with the president.

... aaaaaaaaaaaand then there are the photos. Yep, that's right, President Bush met with Abramoff on more than one occasion. In fact, he met with him on more than half a dozen occasions, and that's just what we can prove with PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE! Of course, the White House isn't releasing any of these photos, but try to use your imagination...