Just when you thought you had it all figured out, this guy had to come along and screw everything up...

Let's all give a big Blogjammin' hello to the President of Turkmenistan, or should I say "President for Life" of Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov! Now, don't let the fact that he looks just like Wayne Newton fool you, this guy is a genuinely nasty character. In fact, he managed to single-handedly screw up the entire order of things in one fell swoop... here's how:

You see, I had pretty much gotten to be set in my ways. I had established that, at least in my opinion the world's No. 1 evil dictator was Bashar al-Assad, the No. 1 wacky religion was Scientology and the No. 1 oppressive regieme was somewhere between the leftover Taliban and the American Conservatives. Then, just when I finally put my feet up on the ottoman of by Globo-Political Barc-O-Lounger THIS GUY pops up.

President for life Niyazov (or Turkmenbashy as he is known to his homies in the street) has managed to take oppression AND wacky religion by storm by naming himself the new God of the new holy land of Turkmenistan. Wow... I promise you that if Karl Rove had thought of this one by now we'd have entire religious groups praying at King George's feet... don't laugh, you know it's true. The religion is simple enough, read his holy text three times and go to heaven...

Well...

What are you waiting for, read it, NOW!

You'll thank me when you're in Turkmeni-heaven... now, where can I get one of these statues?