So, while searching the internet this afternoon I came across the webpage of an organization that some of you may not be familiar with... The Fruitarians! Now, as you probably know, many members of my family are either vegan or vegetarian on some level. I've even dabbled in vegetarianism in the past, but quickly came to a simple realization that I find is best explained by this chart:


However, as difficult as vegetarianism may be, the week-and-a-half that I spent as a fruitarian absolutely takes the cake. For ten or eleven days back in 2000 I attempted to convert to fruitarianism, figuring that it was a good way to get healthier and cut food costs (come on, how cheap is an apple). So, with no real preparation or instruction I began converting my diet exclusively to fruit products. A couple of apples for breakfast, a handful of grapes as a mid-morning snack. Oranges for lunch, dinners were often melons or a sack of pears.

At first it was great! I was losing weight, I had more energy, maybe these fruits were onto something... then something changed. I can only assume that the Eastern Kentucky diet that my body had become accustomed to dealing with was just too far of a stretch from the strict regulations of a fruitarian lifestyle. I began, quite literally, to go mad. I can't actually tell you what I was doing that was so spacey; in fact I have trouble remembering the last couple days of my fruit binge. The last clear memory I have of the entire experiment is standing in the kitchen of my duplex with an orange as Daxon's then girlfriend Masa was demanding that I eat meat. At some point she grabbed some sort of red meat from the fridge and fried it up... I sat down, ate it, and began to level out.

The most common theory when I tell that story is, "dude, I can't even imagine how f***ked up your blood sugar must have been." Which would account for the madness, I guess... I'm no medical expert, hell, I didn't even know that herpes cured cancer. But I do know one thing; I'll be sticking with this guy from now on...