And now, a Blogjammin' look into the ravages of aging and its effect on our most precious natural resource... celebrities.
Those of you that happen to be regular readers of the Internet Movie Database (or, IMDB.com) will surely by now have noticed that each day the site is updated with a small box on the right side indicating exactly who's birthday it is. Usually it leads off with a particularly famous person, often delving into near obscurity by the time you hit the fourth person on the list (oh wow, the gaffer from Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is having a birthday... and here I am without a cake!). However, some days just don't have the star power to keep readers interested. On those days IMDB will often throw in a dead movie star or celebrity from another field that may at some point have scored, cameoed in or perhaps watched a movie.
One such day IMDB decided to roll out two consecutive pictures of famous people who share a birthday, one a movie star, the other a country musician... these men were Billy Dee Williams and Merle Haggard. A quick look at the bio noted that not only did these men share the same birthday, but were born in the same year, making them exactly the same age. However, as anyone should have noticed by now, Merle and Billy Dee are, well, slightly different in appearance. Billy Dee still looked like the king of smooth, still able to stroll into the club and pick up any woman he wanted with a wink and a tall, cool Colt .45. Merle, however, looked as if he'd been doing his absolute best to live up to his last name.
Since witnessing this discrepancy I've regularly visited (mostly in my own mind) the topic of age in entertainment... primarily rock music. It seems as if these guys never really age in our mind. You look at the album cover, watch the old videos and catch those performances from yesteryear on VH1 Classic (almost always in front of a giant banner reading "MUSIK LADEN"), never noticing that time is creeping up on your favorite rock star. Some have aged well, some just haven't.
For me, one of the most shocking realizations was to actually process that Lou Reed is currently 65 years old. Now, I don't want to suggest that 65 is "old" necessarily... from what I see on those Oscal commercials 65 year olds ride jet skis, go skydiving and breakdance (which reminds me, since I can't do any of those things I should probably pick up some Oscal after work). However, when you're accustomed to thinking of someone like Lou as the absolute embodiment of "cool" in the late sixties, it's hard to get your head around the fact that he's currently getting Social Security checks in the mail.
Lou Reed, 65 years old and still much cooler than you.
To be honest, Lou looks pretty good when you consider that the majority of his life was spent on a steady diet of heroin and whatever he found to snack on while really, really high on heroin. He never quit smoking, and to the best of my knowledge he never actually quit doing drugs (feel free to correct me on that one). I can't say for certain that Lou never put the needle down, but he did release an epic album of strange Lou Reed music that's only vocals were his voice reading the works of Edgar Allan Poe. That doesn't bode well for any sobriety claims.
Of course, not every heroin starved, pre-punk, underground super hero fared as well. Take David Johansen of the New York Dolls (or Buster Poindexter of "Hot Hot Hot" fame) if you will. The Dolls' fusion of 70's glam and dirty guitar licks laid the groundwork for the punk rock movement of the late 70's, unfortunately culminating in a break-up before the punk movement actually arrived and relegating them to relative obscurity (by obscurity I mean in comparison to The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Clash, etc). Times were (apparently) very hard for Johansen in the decade that he seemed to disappear right off the face of the planet before reemerging as Buster Poindexter and giving rise to a series of car commercials.
Maybe Johansen should take a cue from KISS and reapply some foundation.
Is it just me or do some of these rock stars, as they age, begin to take on the physical characteristics of old ladies in war-torn Eastern European countries? Really, Johansen is just lacking a shawl and a tattered dress.
Of course, not everyone fared so poorly. Take, for example, Morrissey. Granted, at the age of 48 Morrissey is hardly a geezer, but he's still old enough to have left barely a faint hint of that sorrowful appearance that certainly helped propel The Smiths onto the British charts in the 1980's. Perhaps Moz just didn't do the copious amount of drugs that are required to properly mummify a rock star, but he has somehow managed to look like James Bond as he heads toward his golden years.
Granted, Mr. Morrissey still has several years ahead of him before he reaches the average age of the gentlemen on this page, but if his current appearance is any indication, he should fall into the Sean Connery category, as opposed to the Iggy Pop category... yikes. Granted, Iggy never really looked that great to begin with.
Uhmm... I think I've developed a man-crush on Morrissey... er, uhm, just ignore those last couple of paragraphs. Boy, I sure do love girls... mmmm, girls... let's watch some Baywatch and scratch ourselves!
Of course, there was no way in hell that I was going to make it through this post without mentioning the Grandaddy of 'em all.
The oldest man on the planet.
The most haggard rock star to walk onto a stage in 2006.
The hardest rockin' case of rheumatism to ever make a record.
The man that believes in Jesus because he actually attended the Sermon on the Mount.
The single largest shareholder in the Gilbey's Gin company of London... not because he owns stock, just because he owns all of the Gin.
No... I don't.
Keith Richards stands now, as he will forever, as the best example of exactly what years of the rock n' roll life can do to the human body. All jokes aside, it's really pretty impressive that he manages to get his handlers to wheel him up to the stage every night, carry him to his guitar and prop him up beside Mick Jagger. He's a role model to silver foxes worldwide.
Keef is yet another prime example of rock stars looking like old ladies in Eastern Europe. Luckily, it seems that Mr. Richards has embraced this look and is well on his way in a fetching head scarf. I can't say for certain, but I'm reasonably sure that Keith Richards actually brought me into his home for lunch on a cold, rainy day in Lexington and served me some traditional Serbian dishes. His kindness was certainly appreciated.
Most people would just stop at Keith Richards. They'd crack a few jokes on his age, wipe their hands on their pants and just call it a day. But I like to go the extra mile for you guys. You see, the body most-ravaged by years of living it up doesn't belong to Keith Richards at all.
There's a bigger cheese out there.
A man that may have done more hard livin' than all of the Rolling Stones combined. That man's name is...
I can't say for sure from what planet David came, or when they'll be back to collect him, but his study of the effects of drugs and alcohol on the body of an Earthling must nearly be complete. It is staggering, I repeat, staggering to grasp the concept that David Allen Coe is still alive. It must come as a shock even to him.
However, in the interest of fairness, I should also point out that DAC may actually be the least photogenic person in the history of mankind. Each photo that Coe releases to the public just seems to say, "yeah, I look like hell, say somethin' about it and I'll stab you in the gut." It really makes you wonder exactly what he looks like on an off day. Obviously he can't possibly wear all of that shit around all of the time, but good GOD I hope he does. Jut once I'd like to run into David Allen Coe in the grocery store looking exactly like he does on stage.
I guess what's truly amazing is that, on some level, he thinks that he actually looks good or cool or whatever in these pictures.
I guess, when it's all said and done, we should remember that these guys are just human and as humans they're bound to age. Well, except for DAC... I firmly believe that he'll be receiving his new "human suit" in the mail very soon and will be reborn as the son of Shooter Jennings to continue his studies.
Those of you that happen to be regular readers of the Internet Movie Database (or, IMDB.com) will surely by now have noticed that each day the site is updated with a small box on the right side indicating exactly who's birthday it is. Usually it leads off with a particularly famous person, often delving into near obscurity by the time you hit the fourth person on the list (oh wow, the gaffer from Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is having a birthday... and here I am without a cake!). However, some days just don't have the star power to keep readers interested. On those days IMDB will often throw in a dead movie star or celebrity from another field that may at some point have scored, cameoed in or perhaps watched a movie.
One such day IMDB decided to roll out two consecutive pictures of famous people who share a birthday, one a movie star, the other a country musician... these men were Billy Dee Williams and Merle Haggard. A quick look at the bio noted that not only did these men share the same birthday, but were born in the same year, making them exactly the same age. However, as anyone should have noticed by now, Merle and Billy Dee are, well, slightly different in appearance. Billy Dee still looked like the king of smooth, still able to stroll into the club and pick up any woman he wanted with a wink and a tall, cool Colt .45. Merle, however, looked as if he'd been doing his absolute best to live up to his last name.
Since witnessing this discrepancy I've regularly visited (mostly in my own mind) the topic of age in entertainment... primarily rock music. It seems as if these guys never really age in our mind. You look at the album cover, watch the old videos and catch those performances from yesteryear on VH1 Classic (almost always in front of a giant banner reading "MUSIK LADEN"), never noticing that time is creeping up on your favorite rock star. Some have aged well, some just haven't. 
For me, one of the most shocking realizations was to actually process that Lou Reed is currently 65 years old. Now, I don't want to suggest that 65 is "old" necessarily... from what I see on those Oscal commercials 65 year olds ride jet skis, go skydiving and breakdance (which reminds me, since I can't do any of those things I should probably pick up some Oscal after work). However, when you're accustomed to thinking of someone like Lou as the absolute embodiment of "cool" in the late sixties, it's hard to get your head around the fact that he's currently getting Social Security checks in the mail.
Lou Reed, 65 years old and still much cooler than you.To be honest, Lou looks pretty good when you consider that the majority of his life was spent on a steady diet of heroin and whatever he found to snack on while really, really high on heroin. He never quit smoking, and to the best of my knowledge he never actually quit doing drugs (feel free to correct me on that one). I can't say for certain that Lou never put the needle down, but he did release an epic album of strange Lou Reed music that's only vocals were his voice reading the works of Edgar Allan Poe. That doesn't bode well for any sobriety claims.
Of course, not every heroin starved, pre-punk, underground super hero fared as well. Take David Johansen of the New York Dolls (or Buster Poindexter of "Hot Hot Hot" fame) if you will. The Dolls' fusion of 70's glam and dirty guitar licks laid the groundwork for the punk rock movement of the late 70's, unfortunately culminating in a break-up before the punk movement actually arrived and relegating them to relative obscurity (by obscurity I mean in comparison to The Ramones, The Sex Pistols, The Clash, etc). Times were (apparently) very hard for Johansen in the decade that he seemed to disappear right off the face of the planet before reemerging as Buster Poindexter and giving rise to a series of car commercials.
Maybe Johansen should take a cue from KISS and reapply some foundation.Is it just me or do some of these rock stars, as they age, begin to take on the physical characteristics of old ladies in war-torn Eastern European countries? Really, Johansen is just lacking a shawl and a tattered dress.
Of course, not everyone fared so poorly. Take, for example, Morrissey. Granted, at the age of 48 Morrissey is hardly a geezer, but he's still old enough to have left barely a faint hint of that sorrowful appearance that certainly helped propel The Smiths onto the British charts in the 1980's. Perhaps Moz just didn't do the copious amount of drugs that are required to properly mummify a rock star, but he has somehow managed to look like James Bond as he heads toward his golden years.
Granted, Mr. Morrissey still has several years ahead of him before he reaches the average age of the gentlemen on this page, but if his current appearance is any indication, he should fall into the Sean Connery category, as opposed to the Iggy Pop category... yikes. Granted, Iggy never really looked that great to begin with.
Uhmm... I think I've developed a man-crush on Morrissey... er, uhm, just ignore those last couple of paragraphs. Boy, I sure do love girls... mmmm, girls... let's watch some Baywatch and scratch ourselves!Of course, there was no way in hell that I was going to make it through this post without mentioning the Grandaddy of 'em all.
The oldest man on the planet.
The most haggard rock star to walk onto a stage in 2006.
The hardest rockin' case of rheumatism to ever make a record.
The man that believes in Jesus because he actually attended the Sermon on the Mount.
The single largest shareholder in the Gilbey's Gin company of London... not because he owns stock, just because he owns all of the Gin.
Do I have to say his name?
No... I don't.Keith Richards stands now, as he will forever, as the best example of exactly what years of the rock n' roll life can do to the human body. All jokes aside, it's really pretty impressive that he manages to get his handlers to wheel him up to the stage every night, carry him to his guitar and prop him up beside Mick Jagger. He's a role model to silver foxes worldwide.
Keef is yet another prime example of rock stars looking like old ladies in Eastern Europe. Luckily, it seems that Mr. Richards has embraced this look and is well on his way in a fetching head scarf. I can't say for certain, but I'm reasonably sure that Keith Richards actually brought me into his home for lunch on a cold, rainy day in Lexington and served me some traditional Serbian dishes. His kindness was certainly appreciated.
Most people would just stop at Keith Richards. They'd crack a few jokes on his age, wipe their hands on their pants and just call it a day. But I like to go the extra mile for you guys. You see, the body most-ravaged by years of living it up doesn't belong to Keith Richards at all.
There's a bigger cheese out there.
A man that may have done more hard livin' than all of the Rolling Stones combined. That man's name is...
David. Allen. Coe
I can't say for sure from what planet David came, or when they'll be back to collect him, but his study of the effects of drugs and alcohol on the body of an Earthling must nearly be complete. It is staggering, I repeat, staggering to grasp the concept that David Allen Coe is still alive. It must come as a shock even to him.However, in the interest of fairness, I should also point out that DAC may actually be the least photogenic person in the history of mankind. Each photo that Coe releases to the public just seems to say, "yeah, I look like hell, say somethin' about it and I'll stab you in the gut." It really makes you wonder exactly what he looks like on an off day. Obviously he can't possibly wear all of that shit around all of the time, but good GOD I hope he does. Jut once I'd like to run into David Allen Coe in the grocery store looking exactly like he does on stage.
I guess what's truly amazing is that, on some level, he thinks that he actually looks good or cool or whatever in these pictures.
Fresh from the Mothership
Sexy... just pure sexy
Introspective
David expresses an interest in kicking your ass
Sexy... just pure sexy
Introspective
David expresses an interest in kicking your ass
I guess, when it's all said and done, we should remember that these guys are just human and as humans they're bound to age. Well, except for DAC... I firmly believe that he'll be receiving his new "human suit" in the mail very soon and will be reborn as the son of Shooter Jennings to continue his studies.
posted by Cory | 5:14 AM
1 Comments:
Somehow, I thought you were going to get through that without a mention of Mr. Coe. Shame on me. But, someone shoul dfind a picture of that album cover where he's wearing the Lone Ranger mask.
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