Wow.

Movieguide has really come through for us this time.

Abhorrent ratings for Rent, Syriana, Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica.

SURPRISE!

These guys are so damn funny that I find myself wondering if I'm being duped. Is it possible that Movieguide.org is a brilliant work of satire? No, probably not, but either way I get more pleasure from these guys than I do from Fark and The Onion combined.

Allow me to share a few gems.

Brokeback Mountain

If he wasn’t in heaven, Dr. Ted Baehr’s father, 1930’s Box Office Award winning, Hollywood Cowboy star, Bob “Tex” Allen, and his more recognizable successors like John Wayne and Gene Autry, would be rolling over in their graves.

Rent

Inconsistent and phony, RENT is a silly mess. Worse, it promotes a very strong Romantic worldview blames Judeo-Christian, capitalist society’s morality and organization for the unhappiness of some individuals, including homosexuals, bisexuals, transvestites, and drug addicts. Aside from the extreme philosophical problems, media-wise audiences will be turned off by RENT's sexual innuendo and discussion.

Transamerica

Still, we strongly suggest that transsexuals and their supporters are suffering from some kind of mental and emotional confusion. Jesus, of course, specializes in clearing away the cobwebs of such confusion and disorder. He is always the Ultimate Answer for all our troubles.

Syriana

The anti-capitalist politics and the anti-biblical, anti-Jewish theology of the film, coupled with the graphic violence and strong language, make SYRIANA a syria-ously dangerous movie.

If you haven't seen Syriana, don't read the review. I haven't seen the film, but thanks to the bastards at Movieguide I now know how it ends.

I'd also reccomend that you check out some of Movieguide's special feature articles. May I suggest "PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE EVIL OCCULT POWER OF HARRY POTTER!"