No kickass originals for you guys today, just a few news updates. However, I do promise to close with a news update so shocking... so horrific... so disturbing that you may never recover.

Everyone's favorite wack-job right winger Ann "The Man" Coulter has taken to publicly calling Arabs "ragheads" and joking about the assassination of President Clinton. Now, I'm the first one to enjoy a good murder joke, but come on here. Could you imagine for one second the kind of rage that would come spewing from the mouths of these wackos if someone even hinted at one day making a joke just to themselves about the assassination of George Bush with no one else around in a vaccum sealed room on the moon?

Of course, quick to spring into action and defend all that is right and good in the world, ethical poster boy Bill Frist responded by saying, "I wasn't there, so I'd better not comment."

... because something like that is so very easy to be taken out of context.

Republican douchebaggery just seems to know no limits lately, which doesn't really come as much of a surprise. But let's switch gears this time to some douchebaggin not just from the right-wing, but from their personal Ministry of Information, Fox News.

While visiting the city of Los Angeles over the last week, President Bush announced proudly that the department of Homeland Security working in conjunction with the NSA, CIA and FBI had managed to thwart a terrorist attack on downtown LA skyscrapers. Unfortunately this news came as quite a shock to Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa who told the press, ""I'm amazed that the president would make this (announcement) on national TV and not inform us of these details through the appropriate channels. I don't expect a call from the president — but somebody."

Of course, all of this may be irrelevant when yet another scandal breaks free from the Bush Whitehouse and goes screeching for sweet mother freedom (and the Drudgereport). That's right folks, it's quite possible that the Mayor of Los Angeles hadn't heard much about the diabolical plans to crush the LA Skyline because... there may have actually been no plans to do so.

What does any of this have to do with Fox News? Well, immediately following the president's chest thumping over his minimal involvement in stopping an attack that may or may not have actually been planned the loyal followers at Fox decided to illustrate what an attack on Los Angeles would look like... using footage from the Roland Emmerich classic, "Independence Day."

I'm not kidding. I saw the video on Olbermann, but unfortunately I can't find it online. If anyone can, PLEASE email me and I'll have it up here immediately.

Now, let's move on to everyone's favorite inept director of the Federal Emergency Management Association, Michael Brown. It appears that Mr. Brown, terribly upset with the lack of warm fuzzy hugs pouring out from the Bush Administration, has decided to "squeal like a pig" ... ok, bad analogy, how about "sing like a canary."

Let's let the AP do the talking for just a second: Under oath, Brown told the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee that he could not explain why his appeals failed to produce a faster response.

That's the Busheviks for you, always eager to take care of the downtrodden. If there's one thing that you can say about these guys it's that they really know how to take care of the indigent and, especially, minorities. Brown then went on to blubber and moan for several more minutes, never really accepting any blame and shifting all of his troubles onto the HNIC, and his staff.

"I expected them to cut every piece of red tape, do everything they could ... that I didn't want to hear anybody say that we couldn't do everything they humanly could to respond to this," Brown said, "Because I knew in my gut this was the bad one." This just in, apparently Michael Brown's gut has the amazing ability to predict shit that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD KNEW! I hear that he moonlights guessing your age and weight at the fair.

Now, this brings us to the SHOCKING moment of the day. Brace yourself. This is a wallop.

... actually it's more funny than anything.

The Texas Air National Guard has erected a bronze statue to commemorate the service of it's most famous patriot, Lt. G.W. Bush.

I'm not making this up.

Don't believe me, do you? "Surely," you're saying, "SURELY the Texas Air National Guard wouldn't commemorate a statue of a man who's service record is spotty at best. Surely they wouldn't."

Oh yeah? Then how do you explain THIS!?

I'd like to point out that the base of the statue reads, "George W. Bush, President of the United States 2001- " Uhm... is there something that we don't know? I mean, clearly the guy's leaving at the end of this term... right? Oh God... OHMYGOD!