As you may have recently heard, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has put pen to paper and addressed the citizens of the United States personally. This letter was released yesterday to the United Nations and then subsequently to the U.S. media... which subsequently seemed to lose it.

You'd think that in this day and age, with tensions between the governments of The United States and Iran tightening on a minute-by-minute basis, modern media outlets would relish the idea of sharing a glimpse into the mind of the opposition with the citizens of the United States. Unfortunately, our media seems to have chosen to report snippets of the message rather than broadcasting it in its entirety. After a few minutes of digging (I can't believe that it actually took a few minutes of digging... Google "Paris Hilton's favorite cocktail" and I'll bet that it comes up on the front page) I was able to find the text on CNN.com, I will paste it below.

This isn't an effort on my part to defend the Iranian government... I want to make that clear. Iran isn't exactly known as a hot-bed of civil liberties and/or human rights. However, neither is the U.S. these days. I'm presenting this to you simply because it's relevant. With the unthinkable prospect of military action in Iran looming over our heads I feel that there is a sense of urgency in the air. This urgency demands that we ALL learn more about this nation, the people and their history. This urgency demands that we look for common ground and negotiate, bilaterally if we must. This urgency demands that we put down that copy of People Magazine and demand a peaceful resolution to our differences, lest we find ourselves in another, and considerably bloodier, Iraq.

I'll be direct with you, the prospect of war with Iran scares the hell out of me. I'm 27 years old, so draft or no draft I won't be fighting in the desert any time soon. I live in rural Eastern Kentucky, so nukes or no nukes I doubt I'll be ducking and covering either. However, another poorly-planned quagmire in the Middle East (atop our current two poorly-planned quagmires) will not only throw the entire region into chaos, but will certainly bring not only more terrorism to our streets but international scorn on a level that would make our Iraqi invasion look like D-Day.

One last thing, before I get on with the letter. Can anyone explain to me exactly why we're angry with Iran? Maybe that seems like a silly question, but maybe not. So many Americans are up in arms, yelling that we must "do something about Iran now, before they get the bomb!" But can anyone point to a specific reason that we're at odds with this country? I can't recall being threatened by Iran in any real capacity since Jimmy Carter was president... and in the years following that incident we even sold them weapons!

Just because our president stands up on national television and declares a country to be evil, with no hard data to back it up, doesn't make it so. If you don't believe me, then ask yourself this... if you could take it back, would you still have our brave men and women marching through Iraq right now? Keep that in your mind as you pick through those Thanksgiving leftovers, shop for Christmas gifts and relax in your warm, comfortable living room with your widescreen tv and recliner.

Let's not do this again... please.

(CNN) -- In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful

O, Almighty God, bestow upon humanity the perfect human being promised to all by You, and make us among his followers.

Noble Americans,
Were we not faced with the activities of the US administration in this part of the world and the negative ramifications of those activities on the daily lives of our peoples, coupled with the many wars and calamities caused by the US administration as well as the tragic consequences of US interference in other countries;

Were the American people not God-fearing, truth-loving, and justice-seeking, while the US administration actively conceals the truth and impedes any objective portrayal of current realities;

And if we did not share a common responsibility to promote and protect freedom and human dignity and integrity;

Then, there would have been little urgency to have a dialogue with you.
While Divine providence has placed Iran and the United States geographically far apart, we should be cognizant that human values and our common human spirit, which proclaim the dignity and exalted worth of all human beings, have brought our two great nations of Iran and the United States closer together.

Both our nations are God-fearing, truth-loving and justice-seeking, and both seek dignity, respect and perfection.

Both greatly value and readily embrace the promotion of human ideals such as compassion, empathy, respect for the rights of human beings, securing justice and equity, and defending the innocent and the weak against oppressors and bullies.

We are all inclined towards the good, and towards extending a helping hand to one another, particularly to those in need.

We all deplore injustice, the trampling of peoples' rights and the intimidation and humiliation of human beings.

We all detest darkness, deceit, lies and distortion, and seek and admire salvation, enlightenment, sincerity and honesty.

The pure human essence of the two great nations of Iran and the United States testify to the veracity of these statements.

Noble Americans,

Our nation has always extended its hand of friendship to all other nations of the world.
Hundreds of thousands of my Iranian compatriots are living amongst you in friendship and peace, and are contributing positively to your society. Our people have been in contact with you over the past many years and have maintained these contacts despite the unnecessary restrictions of US authorities.

As mentioned, we have common concerns, face similar challenges, and are pained by the sufferings and afflictions in the world.

We, like you, are aggrieved by the ever-worsening pain and misery of the Palestinian people. Persistent aggressions by the Zionists are making life more and more difficult for the rightful owners of the land of Palestine. In broad day-light, in front of cameras and before the eyes of the world, they are bombarding innocent defenseless civilians, bulldozing houses, firing machine guns at students in the streets and alleys, and subjecting their families to endless grief.
No day goes by without a new crime.

Palestinian mothers, just like Iranian and American mothers, love their children, and are painfully bereaved by the imprisonment, wounding and murder of their children. What mother wouldn't?

For 60 years, the Zionist regime has driven millions of the inhabitants of Palestine out of their homes. Many of these refugees have died in the Diaspora and in refugee camps. Their children have spent their youth in these camps and are aging while still in the hope of returning to homeland.

You know well that the US administration has persistently provided blind and blanket support to the Zionist regime, has emboldened it to continue its crimes, and has prevented the UN Security Council from condemning it.

Who can deny such broken promises and grave injustices towards humanity by the US administration?

Governments are there to serve their own people. No people wants to side with or support any oppressors. But regrettably, the US administration disregards even its own public opinion and remains in the forefront of supporting the trampling of the rights of the Palestinian people.
Let's take a look at Iraq. Since the commencement of the US military presence in Iraq, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis have been killed, maimed or displaced. Terrorism in Iraq has grown exponentially. With the presence of the US military in Iraq, nothing has been done to rebuild the ruins, to restore the infrastructure or to alleviate poverty. The US Government used the pretext of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, but later it became clear that that was just a lie and a deception.

Although Saddam was overthrown and people are happy about his departure, the pain and suffering of the Iraqi people has persisted and has even been aggravated.
In Iraq, about one hundred and fifty thousand American soldiers, separated from their families and loved ones, are operating under the command of the current US administration. A substantial number of them have been killed or wounded and their presence in Iraq has tarnished the image of the American people and government.

Their mothers and relatives have, on numerous occasions, displayed their discontent with the presence of their sons and daughters in a land thousands of miles away from US shores. American soldiers often wonder why they have been sent to Iraq.

I consider it extremely unlikely that you, the American people, consent to the billions of dollars of annual expenditure from your treasury for this military misadventure.

Noble Americans,

You have heard that the US administration is kidnapping its presumed opponents from across the globe and arbitrarily holding them without trial or any international supervision in horrendous prisons that it has established in various parts of the world. God knows who these detainees actually are, and what terrible fate awaits them.

You have certainly heard the sad stories of the Guantanamo and Abu-Ghraib prisons. The US administration attempts to justify them through its proclaimed "war on terror." But every one knows that such behavior, in fact, offends global public opinion, exacerbates resentment and thereby spreads terrorism, and tarnishes the US image and its credibility among nations.

The US administration's illegal and immoral behavior is not even confined to outside its borders. You are witnessing daily that under the pretext of "the war on terror," civil liberties in the United States are being increasingly curtailed. Even the privacy of individuals is fast losing its meaning. Judicial due process and fundamental rights are trampled upon. Private phones are tapped, suspects are arbitrarily arrested, sometimes beaten in the streets, or even shot to death.

I have no doubt that the American people do not approve of this behavior and indeed deplore it.
The US administration does not accept accountability before any organization, institution or council. The US administration has undermined the credibility of international organizations, particularly the United Nations and its Security Council. But, I do not intend to address all the challenges and calamities in this message.

The legitimacy, power and influence of a government do not emanate from its arsenals of tanks, fighter aircrafts, missiles or nuclear weapons. Legitimacy and influence reside in sound logic, quest for justice and compassion and empathy for all humanity. The global position of the United States is in all probability weakened because the administration has continued to resort to force, to conceal the truth, and to mislead the American people about its policies and practices.
Undoubtedly, the American people are not satisfied with this behavior and they showed their discontent in the recent elections. I hope that in the wake of the mid-term elections, the administration of President Bush will have heard and will heed the message of the American people.

My questions are the following:

Is there not a better approach to governance?

Is it not possible to put wealth and power in the service of peace, stability, prosperity and the happiness of all peoples through a commitment to justice and respect for the rights of all nations, instead of aggression and war?

We all condemn terrorism, because its victims are the innocent.

But, can terrorism be contained and eradicated through war, destruction and the killing of hundreds of thousands of innocents?

If that were possible, then why has the problem not been resolved?
The sad experience of invading Iraq is before us all.

What has blind support for the Zionists by the US administration brought for the American people? It is regrettable that for the US administration, the interests of these occupiers supersedes the interests of the American people and of the other nations of the world.
What have the Zionists done for the American people that the US administration considers itself obliged to blindly support these infamous aggressors? Is it not because they have imposed themselves on a substantial portion of the banking, financial, cultural and media sectors?
I recommend that in a demonstration of respect for the American people and for humanity, the right of Palestinians to live in their own homeland should be recognized so that millions of Palestinian refugees can return to their homes and the future of all of Palestine and its form of government be determined in a referendum. This will benefit everyone.

Now that Iraq has a Constitution and an independent Assembly and Government, would it not be more beneficial to bring the US officers and soldiers home, and to spend the astronomical US military expenditures in Iraq for the welfare and prosperity of the American people? As you know very well, many victims of Katrina continue to suffer, and countless Americans continue to live in poverty and homelessness.

I'd also like to say a word to the winners of the recent elections in the US:
The United States has had many administrations; some who have left a positive legacy, and others that are neither remembered fondly by the American people nor by other nations.
Now that you control an important branch of the US Government, you will also be held to account by the people and by history.

If the US Government meets the current domestic and external challenges with an approach based on truth and Justice, it can remedy some of the past afflictions and alleviate some of the global resentment and hatred of America. But if the approach remains the same, it would not be unexpected that the American people would similarly reject the new electoral winners, although the recent elections, rather than reflecting a victory, in reality point to the failure of the current administration's policies. These issues had been extensively dealt with in my letter to President Bush earlier this year.

To sum up:

It is possible to govern based on an approach that is distinctly different from one of coercion, force and injustice.

It is possible to sincerely serve and promote common human values, and honesty and compassion.

It is possible to provide welfare and prosperity without tension, threats, imposition or war.

It is possible to lead the world towards the aspired perfection by adhering to unity, monotheism, morality and spirituality and drawing upon the teachings of the Divine Prophets.

Then, the American people, who are God-fearing and followers of Divine religions, will overcome every difficulty.

What I stated represents some of my anxieties and concerns.

I am confident that you, the American people, will play an instrumental role in the establishment of justice and spirituality throughout the world. The promises of the Almighty and His prophets will certainly be realized, Justice and Truth will prevail and all nations will live a true life in a climate replete with love, compassion and fraternity.

The US governing establishment, the authorities and the powerful should not choose irreversible paths. As all prophets have taught us, injustice and transgression will eventually bring about decline and demise. Today, the path of return to faith and spirituality is open and unimpeded.
We should all heed the Divine Word of the Holy Qur'an:

"But those who repent, have faith and do good may receive Salvation. Your Lord, alone, creates and chooses as He will, and others have no part in His choice; Glorified is God and Exalted above any partners they ascribe to Him." (28:67-68)

I pray to the Almighty to bless the Iranian and American nations and indeed all nations of the world with dignity and success.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
President of the Islamic Republic of Iran
29 November 2006

Christmas time is upon us... or at least the tornado of commericalism leading up to the birth of our six-foot inflatable yard ornament Lord is upon us. I'd like to start a new Christmas tradition on my blog this year. Instead of reading The Night Before Christmas on December 24th, I'd like to share something else on the day after "Cyber-Monday."

If you're not familiar with David Sedars, let me take a second to beg you to rush right out to your local bookstore and purchase any and everything that he's put to paper. It doesn't take more than a couple of hours to read one of his books cover-to-cover, and I assure you that you'll thank yourself for investing a lazy afternoon. He's brilliant, funny, touching and above all really, really damn funny... did I mention that he's funny?

Anyway, it's now time for the first annual (yes, I know that first annual is a grammar no-no, but I like the way it sounds) Blogjammin' re-printing of my favorite Sedaris Christmas tale... enjoy!

Six To Eight Black Men
By David Sedaris

What really interests me are the local gun laws. Can I carry a
concealed weapon, and if so, under what circumstances? What's the
waiting period for a tommy gun? Could I buy a Glock 17 if I were
recently divorced or fired from my job? I've learned from
experience that it's best to lead into this subject as delicately
as possible, especially if you and the local citizen are alone and
enclosed in a relatively small space. Bide your time, though, and
you can walk away with some excellent stories. I've heard, for
example, that the blind can legally hunt in both Texas and
Michigan. They must be accompanied by a sighted companion, but
still, it seems a bit risky. You wouldn't want a blind person
driving a car or piloting a plane, so why hand him a rifle? What
sense does that make? I ask about guns not because I want one of
my own but because the answers vary so widely from state to state.
In a country that's become so homogenous, I'm reassured by these
last touches of regionalism.

Guns aren't really an issue in Europe, so when I'm traveling
abroad, my first question usually relates to barnyard animals.
"What do your roosters say?" is a good icebreaker, as every country
has its own unique interpretation. In Germany, where dogs bark "vow
vow" and both the frog and the duck say "quack," the rooster greets
the dawn with a hearty "kik-a-ricki." Greek roosters crow "kiri-a-
kee," and in France they scream "coco-rico," which sounds like one
of those horrible premixed cocktails with a pirate on the label.
When told that an American rooster says "cock-a-doodle-doo," my
hosts look at me with disbelief and pity.
"When do you open your Christmas presents?" is another good
conversation starter as it explains a lot about national character.
People who traditionally open gifts on Christmas Eve seem a bit
more pious and family oriented than those who wait until Christmas
morning. They go to mass, open presents, eat a late meal, return
to church the following morning, and devote the rest of the day to
eating another big meal. Gifts are generally reserved for
children, and the parents tend not to go overboard. It's nothing
I'd want for myself, but I suppose it's fine for those who prefer
food and family to things of real value.

In France and Germany, gifts are exchanged on Christmas Eve, while
in Holland the children receive presents on December 5, in
celebration of Saint Nicholas Day. It sounded sort of quaint until
I spoke to a man named Oscar, who filled me in on a few of the
details as we walked from my hotel to the Amsterdam train station.
Unlike the jolly, obese American Santa, Saint Nicholas is painfully
thin and dresses not unlike the pope, topping his robes with a tall
hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy. The outfit, I was told, is
a carryover from his former career, when he served as a bishop in
Turkey.

One doesn't want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this
seemed completely wrong to me. For starters, Santa didn't use to
do anything. He's not retired, and, more important, he has
nothing to do with Turkey. The climate's all wrong, and people
wouldn't appreciate him. When asked how he got from Turkey to the
North Pole, Oscar told me with complete conviction that Saint
Nicholas currently resides in Spain, which again is simply not
true. While he could probably live wherever he wanted, Santa chose
the North Pole specifically because it is harsh and isolated. No
one can spy on him, and he doesn't have to worry about people
coming to the door. Anyone can come to the door in Spain, and in
that outfit, he'd most certainly be recognized. On top of that,
aside from a few pleasantries, Santa doesn't speak Spanish. He
knows enough to get by, but he's not fluent, and he certainly
doesn't eat tapas.

While our Santa flies on a sled, Saint Nicholas arrives by boat
and then transfers to a white horse. The event is televised, and
great crowds gather at the waterfront to greet him. I'm not sure
if there's a set date, but he generally docks in late November and
spends a few weeks hanging out and asking people what they want.
"Is it just him alone?" I asked. "Or does he come with backup?"
Oscar's English was close to perfect, but he seemed thrown by a
term normally reserved for police reinforcement.
"Helpers," I said. "Does he have any elves?"
Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I couldn't help but feel
personally insulted when Oscar denounced the very idea as grotesque
and unrealistic. "Elves," he said. "They're just so silly."
The words silly and unrealistic were redefined when I learned that
Saint Nicholas travels with what was consistently described as "six
to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it
down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always
"six to eight," which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds
of years to get a decent count.

The six to eight black men were characterized as personal slaves
until the mid-fifties, when the political climate changed and it
was decided that instead of being slaves they were just good
friends. I think history has proven that something usually comes
between slavery and friendship, a period of time marked not by
cookies and quiet times beside the fire but by bloodshed and
mutual hostility. They have such violence in Holland, but rather
than duking it out among themselves, Santa and his former slaves
decided to take it out on the public. In the early years, if a
child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men
would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of
a tree."
"A switch?"
"Yes," he said. "That's it. They'd kick him and beat him with a
switch. Then, if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him in
a sack and take him back to Spain."
"Saint Nicholas would kick you?"
"Well, not anymore," Oscar said. "Now he just pretends to kick
you."
"And the six to eight black men?"
"Them, too."
He considered this to be progressive, but in a way I think it's
almost more perverse than the original punishment. "I'm going to
hurt you, but not really." How many times have we fallen for that
line? The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements
of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain, old-
fashioned fear. What kind of Santa spends his time pretending to
kick people before stuffing them into a canvas sack? Then, of
course, you've got the six to eight former slaves who could
potentially go off at any moment. This, I think, is the greatest
difference between us and the Dutch. While a certain segment of
our population might be perfectly happy with the arrangement, if
you told the average white American that six to eight nameless
black men would be sneaking into his house in the middle of the
night, he would barricade the doors and arm himself with whatever
he could get his hands on.
"Six to eight, did you say?"

In the years before central heating, Dutch children would leave
their shoes by the fireplace, the promise being that unless they
planned to beat you, kick you, or stuff you into a sack, Saint
Nicholas and the six to eight black men would fill your clogs
with presents. Aside from the threats of violence and kidnapping,
it's not much different from hanging your stockings from the
mantel. Now that so few people have a working fireplace, Dutch
children are instructed to leave their shoes beside the radiator,
furnace, or space heater. Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black
men arrive on horses, which jump from the yard onto the roof. At
this point, I guess, they either jump back down and use the door,
or they stay put and vaporize through the pipes and electrical
wires. Oscar wasn't too clear about the particulars, but, really,
who can blame him? We have the same problem with our Santa. He's
supposed to use the chimney, but if you don't have one, he still
manages to come through. It's best not to think about it too hard.
While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our
Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his
wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year
traveling around the world. If you're bad, he leaves you coal. If
you're good and live in America, he'll give you just about anything
you want. We tell our children to be good and send them off to bed,
where they lie awake, anticipating their great bounty. A Dutch
parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate, telling his
children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things
together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will
be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some
candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you
to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know
for sure, but we want you to be prepared."

This is the reward for living in Holland. As a child you get to
hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat
it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized drugs
and prostitution-so what's not to love about being Dutch?
Oscar finished his story just as we arrived at the station. He was
a polite and interesting guy-very good company-but when he offered
to wait until my train arrived, I begged off, saying I had some
calls to make. Sitting alone in the vast terminal, surrounded by
other polite, seemingly interesting Dutch people, I couldn't help
but feel second-rate. Yes, it was a small country, but it had six
to eight black men and a really good bedtime story. Being a fairly
competitive person, I felt jealous, then bitter, and was edging
toward hostile when I remembered the blind hunter tramping off
into the Michigan forest. He might bag a deer, or he might happily
shoot his sighted companion in the stomach. He may find his way
back to the car, or he may wander around for a week or two before
stumbling through your front door. We don't know for sure, but in
pinning that license to his chest, he inspires the sort of
narrative that ultimately makes me proud to be an American.

I just heard word that artist, Powell County legend and all-around wonderful lady Nellie Meadows passed away this morning. She will be missed not only by those in our community, but mourners nationwide who fell in love with her work. Original Nellie Meadows art graced everything from the State Democratic Party to the private collection of First Lady and Senator Hilary Clinton.

If there's one thing that we should remember about this vibrant woman of 90+ years, it's that beauty can be found in nearly everything, from spring violets to an Ale-8 bottle. She will be missed, arrangements are pending.

Today I'd like to share with you something near and dear to my heart... Conway Twitty.

Sure, I could go on and on about the wonders of that deep, yet gentle tremble in his voice, the stylish way in which his gold chains always managed to form a perfect v-shape around his ample chest hair or even the tremendous might of his legendary pompadour... but instead, let's get to the man himself.

To do that I decided to go with the old adage that a picture is worth 1000 words. So, allow me to present to you the top five images of Conway Twitty (that I could find on Google Image Search in about twenty minutes)..

Number 5

In this picture we are given a peek into that rare moment when Conway's hair was stuck in a much maligned transitional period. The rockabilly days now past him, Conway felt it necessary to move into a more mature look by casting off his rebellious (and impressive) pompadour. The above hairstyle only hung around for a year or so, eventually evolving into the carefully groomed perm that younger listeners (myself included) tend to associate with Mr. Twitty.

However, it's important to remember this period in time when a man with hair as legendary as his voice made a symbolic leap from honky-tonk king to sexy grandpa. Truly, a magic moment in fashion history... except for maybe the shirt.

Number 4

Here we see a screen capture from Conway's first performance of "You've Never Been This Far Before" on the now distant memory that was Hee Haw.

Of the countless reasons to love this picture, allow me to focus on just two. First, it's difficult not to notice the bold fashion statement that is his pink polyester suit. To walk out on national television in such a garment, tastefully accented with the pastel mock-turtleneck, took not only courage but the inner desire to make a statement. With this ensemble Conway is declaring his overwhelming masculinity by draping himself in soft, inviting hues of pink. I ask you, would David Allan Coe have had the courage or maxi to pull this off? Certainly not, and not only has DAC killed a man, but he allegedly has a tattoo of a spider on his penis.

Secondly, let's note that in this image we can enjoy not one, not two, but THREE Conways! Thanks to some clever art direction on the Hee Haw set we get to see the polyester troubadour from contrasting angles, giving us the full Twitty experience as he takes us on a breathy, lusty ride into the boudoir of a stranger. Conway didn't need a spider tattoo on his penis to impress your woman, just thirty minutes and a bottle of Thunderbird.

Number 3

Conway was a generous, civic minded individual. The above image illustrates that perfectly. Here we see that Mr. Twitty chose to generously sponsor (and perhaps even coach or play for) what appears to be a softball team (or some other sort of athletic organization). If you're Conway Twitty, what else could you POSSIBLY name your team other than the "Twitty Birds?"

The yellow and red is a nice touch, not to mention the high-fashion knee socks. He even chose to sit next to "Kelly" instead of the skybox that he could most certainly afford. That's Conway for you, a man of the people, sitting in the crowd and having a hot dog on a warm summer night and enjoying our national past time. It's unfortunate that the hat is obscuring his well quaffed shock of black hair, thus making it difficult to judge the age of the photo. However, upon closer inspection it seems that it's more in line with his pomp-to-perm transitional hair (see #5).

Also note that Conway's jersey number is 1. Damn right, Twit-Man, you're always number one in our hearts.

Number 2

What could possibly be more Conway Twitty than our number two photo? Here we see the ladies man at his most dapper and jaunty best. It's easy to understand the power he wielded over the opposite sex with a mere glance at this image, his insatiable love for the ladies only outdone by his formidable wardrobe.

We can tell by the above that the Mississippi Man's incomparable sexual prowess had the power to leave mountains of quivering female bodies in his wake. Almost a sexual atomic bomb, one push of the big red button (on his sharply snug vest) could not only send an orgasmic shockwave through a room, it could leave the area uninhabitable for generations to come.

Number 1

Could there be any doubt that this particular image would rank at the top of our countdown?

Here we're given another rare glimpse, this time into the more playful side of Conway. He's older now, chronicled by his ever-growing yet perfectly groomed perm. With this picture Mr. Twitty is telling us, "I may be in my golden years, but I can still put on a pair of obscenely short shorts and a Lacoste shirt and get down with the best of 'em." I can just see Conway on the tennis courts right now, lobbing balls over the net, scoring with every backhand, and of course winning every game "40-Love."

As you go through your day, be reminded of the journey that took a young dreamer from Friars Branch, Mississippi to this very blog entry more than thirteen years after he was taken from us. Go home tonight and put on your tight-fittin' jeans, hit the bars with too much love in your Mississippi heart and give a lady a rose. Don't just do it for yourself, do it for Conway.

Sorry for the lack of posts, folks. I've been busy... okay, that's a lie. I've been lazy.

I've had a whole host of things to blog about (Gerardo, turquoise jewelry, a ridiculous formula of wins and losses that would put WVU at #3 in the BCS standings and thus allow me to throw a tantrum when the title game is an OSU/Michigan rematch) but just haven't motivated myself to actually put them up there.

Luckilly, Temorarily Sane and Victor D. seem to be going at it in the comments section, something that you've undoubtedly noticed. Since nothing I could write is quite as entertaining as a good, old-fashioned flamewar, allow me to say "your momma" to Victor D.

I'll try to drink some Red Bull or something and get some fun-filled posts up before we all settle into that Thursday evening tryptophan coma... in the meantime just enjoy the show.