Here's the flyer for the Westboro Baptist Church assembly on Saturday. To check out a larger version feel free to email me or check it out at their web address. www.godhatesfags.com

Just in case you're inclined to believe that I'm yanking your chain.

In case you don't have time to click, it says that the Westboro Baptist Churchers will be arriving at the Bowen First Church of God, 5555 Campton Road on 1:15 Saturday.

KRS 525.150 Disrupting meetings and processions.
(1) A person is guilty of disrupting meetings and processions when with intent to
prevent or disrupt a lawful meeting, procession or gathering, he does any act
tending to obstruct or interfere with it physically or makes any utterance, gesture or
display designed to outrage the sensibilities of the group.
(2) Disrupting meetings and processions is a Class B misdemeanor.

Fred Phelps is coming to town.

He's going to be in Powell County on Saturday to protest the funeral of John D. Morton, killed in Action in Afghanistan.

I have it on good authority that Pastor Phelps and his followers have been advised to bring a living will and letter notification to next of kin.

Sometimes I get a little nostalgic for the days of yesteryear.

I start thinking about the things that I really loved when I was a child, the things that for whatever reason are now gone forever or far less popular when I was a kid. I loved hip-hop, I loved feathered hair, and I loved movies like Road House and Red Dawn.

Sometimes life smiles upon you and brings you back to the good old days in a way that you may never have expected. Like chicken and soup, potato and salad or franks and beans life takes two already spectacular things and rolls them into one spectacular ball of enjoyment. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, M.C. Patrick Swayze.

Swayze recently said he was experimenting with “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.”

I just can't wait... can you?

First of all, I have been laughing at this picture for an hour.

Now, some interesting info regarding Snakes on a Plane.

For those of you wondering exactly what Snakes on a Plane is all about, here's a fairly good explanation from what may be my new favorite site, Snakes on a Blog:

Why Snakes On A Plane is Funny

Someone recently asked "so why is this funny? is it because you keep repeating it over and over? the repetition is funny?"

For me it's got nothing to do with the repetition. "Snakes on a Plane" was funny back in January before anyone else knew about it, back when it was "Pacific Air 121". It's the mental image of Samuel Jackson stuck on a plane with snakes - not as one single scene, but as the premise for an entire fucking movie. And the surrealistically honest marketing of the film (at Jackson's apparent insistence) to be exactly that.

Try a thought experiment. Take "Titanic", which is not funny, and call it "Teenagers On A Boat" - that's kinda funny. Add Samuel Jackson and some snakes and call it "Snakes On A Boat" it's a little more funny. Then change the boat to a plane and for some reason it turns to GOLD.

I can't really explain it, but for some reason this movie just works in the worst and best way possible, simultaneously.

Click here to order your very own Snakes on a Plane t-shirt!

Click here to enjoy some still photos.

As one IMDB user said, "So, are the producers of this movie aware that their plotline sucks so much that it rules??"

The Godfather
La Dolce Vita
Citizen Kane
and now...

Snakes on a Plane
It's like Die Hard, but with snakes... and on a plane.

Brownies Anyone?

Thanks to The Smoking Gun we now have hard evidence that FEMA had the entire Katrina situation well in hand from the get-go. Michael Brown (picture above doing a heckuva job) was so confident in his work, and so organized that he had time to email friends and loved ones with comments on his wardrobe, dog, and his public relations decision to roll up his sleeves for the camera... because "on tv you just need to look more hard working."

Jackass.

Thanks George Bush, on behalf of the City of New Orleans. Where would we be without you, oh fearless leader?

Just in case you don't know, MC Paul Barman rocks. Really, this guy is great. He pushes the envelope so far that it says, "excuse you."

Actually, he's not that great. But there's something so effing awesome about a white, Brown educated Jew kicking rhymes that are as funny and well assembled as Eminem's that just warms the cockles of my heart.

My cockles are burning.

I kn0w that it's a little late for Christmas humor, but I just saw this. It made me laugh, I hope that it does the same for you.

Hey Hey!

I've finally returned to my normal life. All medical issues on my own part have been corrected, and my father is back home recovering from what turned out to be a five-bypass heart surgery. So, Kwanzaa was a bit stressful this year, but we lit the menorah and put presents under the winter tree anyway.

I received some dandy Christmas gifts, including a new television. Hopefully this will put to bed the constant stream of jokes that seemed to surround my old set. I also broke a promise to myself, a rather important one at that. I had long ago promised never to set foot in or around the Fayette Mall on the day after Christmas... well, I did it. I can promise you, it was bad. Maybe not Vietnam bad, but at least Grenada.

I also managed to check out Wolf Creek while I was in the big town last night. To say that Wolf Creek is a bad film is to insult the entire medium by referring to it as a "film." To put it quite bluntly, Wolf Creek tries as hard as it can to redefine crap, but doesn't even succeed in that endeavor. The film begins with three roughly 18-22 year-olds on a road trip through the Aussie Outback. It's a slow start, and unfortunately 45 minutes and several completely irrelevant and forgettable characters later, they're still on the road trip.

The first half of this movie is boring. By boring I mean, I would gladly have traded places with the actors in the 2nd half of the film if it had meant never sitting through the first. Of course, very predictably, the car doesn't start and the kids have to get a tow from a guy that may as well have "Crazy Killer" written on his shirt. At this point, now roughly an hour into the film with absolutely NOTHING having happened, part of me fully expected to head back to the garage, get the car fixed and roll the credits.

Of course that's not what happens, and a few fairly grizzly scenes later the movie ends. The ending, of course, being almost as climactic as walking in on your friends setting up for your surprise party... pure garbage. No stars, and F-, not even a .4 out of 10. In fact, this film now ranks in the top five worst films I've ever seen. Which, at this time consists of:

1. The Avengers
2. Pi
3. (I'm leaving three open, I just can't decide between them all)
4. Wolf Creek
5. Land of the Dead

Moral: Don't watch Wolf Creek.

One other update, I'll be hosting Local Trivia Action tonight at the Malabu Pub in Lexington. You can also catch me at Shamrock on Thursday and Trump's on Friday, so try to make it to one of the shows, it's more fun when you know someone.

No, I won't let you cheat, just ask Brinton.

Nerds Assemble!

IGN has unleashed the top ten most evil moments in the history of comic books. Great list, really, really great. However, keep in mind that the list is nothing but spoilers, and if you haven't read The Watchmen or are waiting for the movie to get the story, keep far, far away from this list.

Hooray! It's my 200th post!

I had no idea that I'd enjoy this blogging thing this much. Oh well, live and learn.

So, the whiskey came out last night. Not for me, mind you, I'm not much of a whiskey drinker. I certainly enjoy watching people drink it, but my whiskey/bourbon intake is pretty much limited to a couple of glasses of Woodford Reserve at Keeneland twice a year.


Now, I won't name any names, as some of the people I know probably wouldn't like the world to know that they're up for a whiskey party on a Tuesday night. However, it should be said that these people (myself included... but I'd just had a cold beer or two) truly did unlock the mysteries of the universe. I will now share with you some rock-solid, factual information about the world around you that you may not be aware of.

The Dreamers may be the most brilliant film of all time (if you don't count any of the films that it borrows heavily from).

Akira Kurosawa is a genius, but The Seven Samurai may be a little overrated.

There is no war on Christmas.

Bill O'Reilly is a jackass.

The Velvet Underground is the greatest band of all time.

"These new bands need to quit prancing around on stage with no shirt, if you ain't Iggy Pop then you look f*@#ing retarded!"

Kodachrome is a great song.

So is The Weight.

Everyone in the world is looking forward to King Kong.

And, apparently I can be quite satisfied to sit in my car for hours on end singing Oasis' "All Around the World." ... by myself if need be.

Another boring night saved by whiskey... thank you, Julius Kessler.

Wow.

Movieguide has really come through for us this time.

Abhorrent ratings for Rent, Syriana, Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica.

SURPRISE!

These guys are so damn funny that I find myself wondering if I'm being duped. Is it possible that Movieguide.org is a brilliant work of satire? No, probably not, but either way I get more pleasure from these guys than I do from Fark and The Onion combined.

Allow me to share a few gems.

Brokeback Mountain

If he wasn’t in heaven, Dr. Ted Baehr’s father, 1930’s Box Office Award winning, Hollywood Cowboy star, Bob “Tex” Allen, and his more recognizable successors like John Wayne and Gene Autry, would be rolling over in their graves.

Rent

Inconsistent and phony, RENT is a silly mess. Worse, it promotes a very strong Romantic worldview blames Judeo-Christian, capitalist society’s morality and organization for the unhappiness of some individuals, including homosexuals, bisexuals, transvestites, and drug addicts. Aside from the extreme philosophical problems, media-wise audiences will be turned off by RENT's sexual innuendo and discussion.

Transamerica

Still, we strongly suggest that transsexuals and their supporters are suffering from some kind of mental and emotional confusion. Jesus, of course, specializes in clearing away the cobwebs of such confusion and disorder. He is always the Ultimate Answer for all our troubles.

Syriana

The anti-capitalist politics and the anti-biblical, anti-Jewish theology of the film, coupled with the graphic violence and strong language, make SYRIANA a syria-ously dangerous movie.

If you haven't seen Syriana, don't read the review. I haven't seen the film, but thanks to the bastards at Movieguide I now know how it ends.

I'd also reccomend that you check out some of Movieguide's special feature articles. May I suggest "PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM THE EVIL OCCULT POWER OF HARRY POTTER!"

I started to spend a few minutes jumping up and down and screaming about this whole Tookie Williams issue. I was going to point out that we live in a country that condones the organized death of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis, refuses to smack down religious zealots that call for the assassination of heroic world leaders and now executes Nobel Peace Prize Nominees.

I was going to call George Bush and The Governator nasty names. I was going to use bad words. But, instead of doing that I'm just going to make my point about the Tookie Williams case using his own words... words far better chosen and far more intelligent than anything that I was going to slap up here. So, I'll shut up and let him do the talking:

LIVE FROM DEATH ROW

March 24, 2001

Greetings to All of You,

It’s an honor being able to speak to all of you conscientious people here today. My name is Stanley “Tookie” Williams. I’m a condemned prisoner on San Quentin’s death row and for more than 19 ½ years of existing within this microcosm of madness, it has been a race against the executioner’s clock to prove my innocence, to regain my freedom. Plain and simple, if I fail, I die.

In the meantime, death row remains a constant reminder of my morality. I’m not exaggerating when I say that this hellhole looks, feels, and smells like doom. Personally, I’ve known nine black men who have lost their lives here on death row. Two committed suicide by hanging, three died of illnesses, one was shot to death, one died of asphyxiation caused by pepper spray, one was executed here at San Quentin and the ninth man was transferred from San Quentin’s death row to a Missouri State death row and promptly executed. What is more, there are other men here on San Quentin’s death row who were killed, committed suicide, died of illnesses of were executed.

Also, keeping in the evil spirit of capital punishment there are some men who are exercising their constitutional rights in the court of appeals to expedite their demise. Notably, when the death penalty is analyzed and put into proper perspective, it’s a theoretical and political error for vengeance posing as justice.

I see no greater hypocrisy than a system that propagates murder for the solution to murder. To say the least, this mechanism of death operates on vengeance, blatant racism, prosecutorial misconduct, questionable “experts” IAC- am acronym for “ineffective Assistance of Counsel”, tainted evidence, involuntary drugging, exclusion of black jurors and a host of other miscarriages of justice.

Despite the duplicitous revelations, the blindness of revenge influences some people to support capital punishment and its barbaric method of lextalionus- an eye for an eye.

To an objective mind, this system of termination is the poor people’s death chamber. It’s also pro-death penalty platform for political demagogues, unsatisfied vigilantes, media spin-doctors and other groups who try to obtain solace through the legalized murder of another.

It evokes images of atrocious history of the 17th, 18th, and 19 the centuries when vengeful seeking mobs had salivated over watching people lynched- and particularly, black men and women.

Nevertheless, when murder has been committed by either a criminal without a without a conscious or in the name of citizens with a conscious who support or enforce a legal system that murders, the result is still the same: death.

I must ask this audience, what are the moral lessons to be learned in this merciless strategy that kills poor people? It’s no mystery as to why children are emulating “The Terminator” and going to school kamakazi-like throughout this country. We adults tend to forget that they have vicariously brought to the rhetoric that killing is the elixir for their personal problems. This “choplogic” for the death penalty has provided the ultimate poetic license for children- consciously or subconsciously- to emulate this society’s philosophy of death for death. Many of these children are murdering in hopes of hopes of being murdered themselves.

To murder and to be murdered has become the Zeitgeist- the spirit of the era- for youth martyrdom.

I’m hoping that all of you will concur that this cycle of madness must end, beginning with abolishing the death penalty. But realistically, a moratorium in California must first be implemented.

Such a moral gesture for humanity will help establish a legal forum for an independent panel to thoroughly delve into every aspect of the death penalty system to counter the biased “harmless error” rulings, to check for improprieties on behalf of arresting officers, DAs (District Attorneys), judges, investigators, forensic experts and others who are paid to uphold its (the death penalty system’s) decree.

I am confident enough to say to all of you today that if the death penalty is objectively investigated, it will be exposed for what it is- a racist, inhumane and disproportionately allocated system used primarily for poor people. I don’t know about any of you, but personally, I can’t name one millionaire or billionaire on death row. Can you?

In conclusion, I am fully aware that when I help underprivileged children and speak out against the death penalty, I do so from a vulnerable position. My voice can be silenced by institutional bureaucracy or treachery, but the message transcends my life and it is God’s will.

Meanwhile, while I breathe, I hope.

–

Nobel Peace Prize nominee,

children's book author and

San Quentin death row inmate

Just a couple of updates for you guys this morning.

1. Run, don't walk, to check out Vickie's new blog. Prepare your "bookmarks" for the addition of www.vickiecharles.blogspot.com. Good to see more of my friends blathering on and on in cyberspace!

2. Yesterday while coming in and out of consciousness I happened to catch what I thought was "Toby Keith's I Love the USA Bar and Grill." Unfortunately, after some research I've come to determine that it's actually called "Toby Keith's I Love this Bar and Grill." Quite disappointing, but nonetheless absurd.


This place, hidden on the Vegas Strip and disguised as the getaway for regular ol' folks, is home of Las Vegas' only fried bologna sammich! MMMMMM! Of course with the average drink price of 9 dollars, one has to wonder how much one would pay for this culinary delight. I'll say it right now, if a fried bologna sandwich is selling for more than 2.50 ANYWHERE then Mr. Keith may be the greatest marketing genius that the world has ever seen.

Side note: I just located a site with the actual menu. The fried bologna sammich is 7.99. SEVEN DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS!! Other winners on the menu include:

The How Big A Boy Are Ya Prime Rib
Cowboy Caviar (Black Eyed Peas)
and of course... Freedom Fries

And don't worry, they have two different kinds of White Zinfandel

Howdy folks, I'm back.

I know, I know, it's been ages since my last post, but I have several good excuses and a doctor's note to explain.

For a few days my dsl line was down, luckily the good (but extraodinarily slow) people of Bellsouth remedied the situation on Tuesday. Unfortunately, Tuesday was the first day of my physical descent into hell. I won't go into the details of exactly what my ailment was (especially since by now all of you know), but let me just tell you it hurt. Oh lord did it hurt.

So, now I'm back in the saddle. I'll come up with something clever to post in the next couple of hours, but since I have work piled up from last Wednesday it may very well be tomorrow before I post a proper update.

See you soon!

Congratulations Lama al-Sulaiman and Nashwa Taher, Saudi Arabia's first female elected officials! The scorpions are hard at work on "Wind of Change II" as we speak.

Yep, Empire Magazine has released a list compiling the 50 Greatest Indie Flicks EVER. Check it out, feel free to comment with cheers and jeers. I actually have to say that it's a pretty damn good list and I'm without major complaint, save one. Donnie Darko!? Don't get me wrong, I really love Donnie Darko, it's one of my favorite films of the last few years. However, it may have gotten more than fair, bordering on ridiculous treatment in this list.

But maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, enjoy!

Click here for the list!