I guess we all saw this post coming...

The above cartoon was published last week in Harper's Magazine and on the Harper's website. I'm a firm believer in the old adage that a picture is worth 1,000 words, but every now and then a one-panel political cartoon can be worth thousands of years worth of commentary. Before I go on, I want to say that this isn't an attack on Israel, a defense of Lebanon or grandstanding for one side of complicated political grievances that have been raging even before history books were written.

I'm not going to convince you to accept my opinions on the Israeli government or it's involvement in certainly military campaigns throughout the region. I'm CERTAINLY not going to defend the actions of Hezbollah or any other organization that's primary method of message disbursement requires explosives and civilian casualties. This is none of those things, but rather an indictment on war and the media in modern society.

The sterilized images of warfare, be they from Iraq, Afghanistan or now Lebanon, that pour across our television screens night after night tell not of what really happens on the ground in this type of battle... they tell a different story. Cookie-cutter shots of a wailing ambulance, a soldier firing at a target that we never see and Anderson Cooper in a flak jacket are supposed to represent what the fighting on the ground actually is. These journalists risk their lives to bring us the story from the front lines, but then edit the front lines right out of the story. Honestly, is there anything about the broadcast that is no doubt on CNN as we speak that couldn't have been done from a soundstage in Atlanta? If it's so important to send these men and women into these hot-zones, then shouldn't it be equally important to broadcast pictures of what's really going on? Pictures like this...

That's a much better representation of what the Israeli assault on Lebanon looks like. Imagine now, just for a second, that you're looking at an image of your city. Imagine that your home, your business or your family was sitting in the exact spot that is now a smoldering hole in the ground. You didn't ask for this, you aren't in control of your government and you most certainly aren't in control of those individuals that kidnapped Israeli soldiers and re-ignited this entire mess. So why are you being destroyed?

Those are perfectly normal questions, and above all they're the kind of questions that any sane person would or should ask him or herself while looking at that kind of destruction. So, with enlightenment only an image away, why does the world media choose to show only sugarcoated images of warfare in the Middle East? Are they afraid of offending us? Maybe they don't want to scare us or give the children nightmares. Or could it be that it's much easier to keep us watching the television when we aren't confronted with any real issues or any real fears... just empty threats of gloom and doom.

However, the bigger question at hand here is one of war in general. I'll be the first to admit that groups like Hezbollah have roundly proven that they're not exactly susceptible to influence at the negotiation table. Throughout history ALL terrorist organizations have proven that very statement time and time again. So, how has it worked in the past? We've managed to calm tensions between the UK and the IRA, President Carter brought peace to the Egyptians and Israelis and the Ku Klux Klan is all but a distant memory here at home. How did those groups fade into the distance? They disappeared when the people of their specific nations stopped giving them power. When the attitudes and beliefs of any given nation change, when the people are lifted from poverty and when the weakest among us are given a voice, terrorism dies. It doesn't die through marches and public outcry; it dies of starvation, requiring that type of hatred, ignorance and intolerance to feed.

War, on any level, is terrorism. I'm not commenting on who struck first or who's at fault. Israel and Lebanon are well within their rights as nations to defend themselves from any sort of attack. I do, however, worry that the doctrine of pre-emptive attack subscribed to by the Bush Administration has given carte blanche to many nations that would have otherwise exercised some restraint. "If the U.S. did it, why can't we," could be the motto of the 21st century, and that motto is only going to lead to more of what we're seeing on our televisions night after night.

There are enemies in wars, and the goal of any war is of course to kill the enemy. But with small terror cells moving into highly populated urban areas the cost of warfare in the 21st century is becoming higher with each round fired. Long gone are the days of elaborate battles between nations on deserted battlefields with willing participants. Today's warfare takes place in your backyard, and when a daisy cutter lands in your backyard it isn't going to discriminate between you and your militant counterparts. The results are tragic, actually, tragic fails to even come close to describing the results.

Once again, a picture is worth a thousand words, and I'm not Anderson Cooper, so I'll show you what's going on.

WARNING! EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW, SCROLL DOWN AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

Is that child's life, that child with his Mickey Mouse blanket at his feet's life worth two captured Israeli volunteer soldiers? What about this one?

These are just the pictures I was able to find on a very quick Google search. If for some reason you seek more, it's only a click away.

To close, I want to make two points.

None of us get to pick where we're born or to whom. Whether you choose to believe in God, science or a combination of both, you're here and you didn't get to pick your parents or your country. We're fortunate enough to live a relatively comfortable life here in the United States with very, very minimal fears of rockets sailing across the border and into our neighborhoods. The people in these photos didn't choose to be born in their situations either, and they're people just like you and I. Those children enjoy the same things your children enjoy and those parents cry just as hard as you would if something happened to one of yours. This is what war does.

Secondly, we should all be calling for the heads of our major news networks. It's absolutely not unpatriotic or treasonous to inform yourself of each and every detail that you can dig up about any given situation. Feeling sympathy for innocent people being killed by any army, including your own, doesn't in any way downgrade your opinions of the soldiers sent to fight. I care deeply about our soldiers, but I also care deeply about human life in general. The loss of innocent human life is just simply a terrible but unavoidable fact of war. We can't ever assume that military engagement in any nation will result in death tolls of only willing participants, those days are gone. But maybe we'd be less bloodthirsty and more eager to work things out with words if the six o'clock news let us know what was really happening all those miles away.

I guess I've said my piece, and I fully expect rebuttal... hell, I welcome intelligent rebuttal. But after all this if you're still interested in reading up on the history of this terrible conflict, here's a great essay by Noam Chomsky that everyone should read at their earliest convenience.

Y'know what, I love art. Now, I may sound pretentious or like a general jackass, but I couldn't care less... I love art. I'm fortunate enough to have a few pieces from local artists hanging on my wall, some of which are shockingly good. But you're just not an art collector untily you own that original Monet.

Few of us posses the means to rock up to Sotheby's and bid like Heathcliff Huxtable on an original pressing of "A Night In Tunisia," so we settle for replications of the works that we love... no more. Thanks to the good people of China we can now own hand-painted replicas of famous works for mere pennies on the dollar... is there anything that the Chinese don't do well?

The above image may appear to be Salvador Dali's "Girl Standing at a Window," but it isn't. It's actually the work of an art bootlegger, hand painted and almost completely identical to the original work. The sound you're currently hearing is the opening of wallets throughout the country. That's right, folks, our buddies in the east have perfected the art of duplication to the point that it's downright scary. For around one hundred dollars you can have an original Dali in your living room... although it may have been painted by some guy named WANG.

Not into Dali, then choose some classical art for your den. It's all cool and it all can be done by the brilliant minds at Dafen. Have yourself a hand-painted Mona Lisa or just send in an image of your favorite painting and have it replicated. I'm quite certain that Leonardo Di Vinci is rolling in his grave, but these works of "art" are serving a purpose... further deciphering his code.

Ahh, Carlo Rossi. A wine so fine that only Franzia can compete. I'm not a wine expert, but I use my old stand-by logic... if wine has a screw-top then it certainly isn't wine. It may be a bottle of liquefied, fermented grapes... but I'm not ready to call it wine.

So, what happens to a man when he consumes the entire half-gallon of Carlo's finest? Well, the answer to that question is unleashing the fury of his stomach in my bathroom as we speak. I'm not going to name names, but if you know the people that I know, then you can probably estimate who the culprit in the great wine-chug adventure of '06 could be. Here's a hint, if you give him a gallon of rot-gut wine and a keyboard, you'll be treated to "Axel F" and "The Final Countdown" for hours on end.

So, here I am. I'm sitting in my apartment with a blues riff being strummed in the background. In the distance people are or were watching "Dawn of the Dead," and the Craw-dawg is preparing to entertain us with a rousing rendition of Travis Tritt's "If Hell Had A Jukebox." It's just another night on 8th Avenue. Many of you are familiar, many aren't... but as you well know, you just had to be here.

By the way, one of my guests feels like makin' love, the other seems to be all out.

One last thing before I sign off for the night to finally watch Broken Flowers...

Last year I slapped a post up here that detailed my picks for the top ten films of 2005. Unfortunately, when that list was made I hadn't really seen all that many of 2005's films. After better educating myself in what went on that year I'd like to post a revised list of my personal favorite ten films of the year... granted, at this point I doubt anyone really cares, but I feel the need to set the record straight.

1. Match Point
2. Good Night, and Good Luck
3. Junebug
4. The Forty Year-Old Virgin
5. Walk the Line
6. Everything Is Illuminated
7. Batman Begins
8. Munich
9. F*CK
10. Hard Candy

That may be my final top ten of 2005, but then again, there are still a few on my Netflix list that haven't made it in yet. I'll keep you posted.

Hello all and welcome to the very, very first acutal blog entry from my home. Yessiree Bob, I've decided to take a giant flying leap into the late 1990's and now have a fully operational internet connection in my apartment. Convenience aside, the blasted thing is already taking over my life. It'll be mere moments until my addiction to Cubanismo Radio, Youtube.com and the seemingly limitless stream of easily downloadable movies on this thing turns me into something that Ken Kesey would have struggled to imagine. So, before I feel compelled to throw my oversized Magna Cigarettes ashtray through the window and break for freedom, I thought I'd share a few thoughts.

No matter what you may have heard, A Scanner Darkly is really quite good. I had the pleasure of catching this one earlier today and I may not have been more satisfied with any film released this year. As you would expect, the mixture of Linklater's rotoscoping technique in combination with the story's subject matter makes for a surreal and often euphoric sensation. Reeves, Rider, Harrelson and Downey seem almost perfect for the roles, which make sense when you consider that they're essentially playing hyper-exaggerated versions of themselves. The pacing is perfect, or as perfect as any I've seen in quite some time... at this point I'm trying to find the way to best explain it without completely nerding out.

Hell with it, I'll just leave it alone. Just take my word for it and make every effort to see this one as soon as possible. I found myself enjoying nearly every minute of the film and may very well give it another look before the weekend is over. If I was Robert Downey Jr. I'd probably start work on that Oscar speech right now (okay, perhaps my hyperbole button is stuck, but it usually is).

In other news, my favorite internet site, and the treasure trove from which I find so many of the wonderful stories that I slap up on here from time to time, has made it to the big leagues. Lexington based Fark.com was referenced on The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer just the other day! Don't believe me, take a look for yourself...

Yes, that's farker "williehorton" suggesting that World War Three won't be among us until France surrenders. The beauty of Fark is simple, funny people operating in an open atmosphere with complete and total anonymity. Farkers include various comedians, actors, news personalities and even the guys from Mythbusters... although we have no idea exactly who they are. So, it was really a matter of time until someone slipped one of these into a mainstream broadcast of some sort.

I won't launch into a rant about how ridiculous calling this "World War Three" actually is, or how terribly offensive to other nations that have fallen victim to terror for decades it is that once we get involved it has to become a World War. But then again, they grow everything bigger in Texas, apparently including wars. This just in, France has refused surrender out of fear of back-rub reprisal from President Bush.


You'll be seeing some changes in Blogjammin' in the coming days and weeks. I'd imagine I'll go back to more frequent updating (especially since I've now fallen to number two on Brinton's "most commonly updated blog" list... curse you, Sarah!) and the occasional weekend post will pop up. Probably the most interesting paradigm shift will be the inclusion of cold beer into our little blogging equation. For the last year (oddly enough, my very first post was the last week of July, 2005) I've been posting while in clear states of mind... well, minus that one time out in San Diego. However, now it's going to get fun. I eagerly wait with equal parts joy and dread for some of the things that may end up here after a late night out on the town... hopefully none of those entries will result in my arrest, deportation or assassination.

... and Sarah, don't get too comfortable up there, I'm coming for my spot at the top.

Sorry for the lack of updates, folks. I've had a great deal on my plate lately and it's caused me to slack off considerably. Anyway, due to unforseen circumstances our work internet is going to be severly limited and will eliminate blogging during the day.

However, my home DSL line is scheduled to be up and running by the end of the week, so all hope is not lost. Keep checking back from around Friday morning to Monday... there should be some sort of goodies on here.

I hope you miss me as much as I'll miss you.

Love and Hugs,

Cory

So, recently I made the decision that I should probably move. Not because I dislike my current location or the people around me, but largely because I just need a change of scenery. I've debated where and when, and I don't plan on leaving immediately, but up until now I haven't really been motivated to get gone... that is, at least, until Aljazeera gave me the answer. No, I'm not joining the Taliban, I'm trying to convince myself to move to the Pacific Paradise of...

Vanuatu!

Why Vanuatu? Well, according to this article published on the Aljazeera website, an independent study has confirmed that Vanuatu is officially the happiest place on Earth! The Happy Planet Index has ranked Vanuatu as the best place to live on the planet, and that's good enough for me.

However, before putting too much faith in the list, it should be said that the USA sits neatly between Lithuania and The Ivory Coast in the list (just two spots above Rwanda). Draw your own conclusions, but while you're debating the quality of life in the good ol' USA, I'll be fishing with girls in coconut bras.

If you'd like to hear Adam Corolla put Ann Coulter in her place, click here.

TRIVIA IS BACK IN WINCHESTER!!!

But don't take it from Chris the Trivia Master, take it from ME! Things will get kicked up on Tuesday, July 11 at Peppers. The show should start around 7:00, but is more likely to start around 7:30. Be there or kindly be square.

Brace yourself.

Calm the children.

Alert the neighbors.

It’s a live blog entry from Cory… no, I’m not kidding. It’s not a series of thoughts that have been run through the mill and regurgitated into some sort of cohesive thought plan at 8:00 AM. No, my friends, this is being written live, in house, and chock-full of commas.

It’s 11:50 in the P-M. At this hour, what have I learned? Well, quite simply I’m aware that my back hurts, and apparently it shows no signs of stopping. But most importantly I’ve learned that America really has no talent. No, really, America is without talent. I had tended to believe that the existence of The Beach Boys, The Velvet Underground and The Ramones proved that there was something worth saving in this country… but David Hasselhoff has convinced me that I live in a land without talent of any kind. Now, it should be pointed out that as Americans, we have put our faith in David Hasselhoff (you may remember “The Hoff” from such hits as “Baywatch” and “Night Rider”), Brandy (remember, she was that disposable R&B singer from the late 90’s) and some guy whose name vaguely resembles the word “penis.”

Now, it should be pointed out that the winner of this contest will take home the magic number… yes, my friends, ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Are we that easy? As Americans is that really all that it takes to not only buy us out of our own shame, but is the idea of some poor schmuck receiving ONE MILLION DOLLARS enough to make us tune in every night just to see how far people will go for ONE MILLION DOLLARS? Well, the answer is clearly yes. Need proof? Then let me offer it. I’ve never seen an episode of Survivor, American Idol, Big Brother or The Bachelor in their entirety.

Nope.

Not once.

But have I watched “America’s Got Talent?” Yessiree Bob. You can’t tear me away from it. Wanna know why? Well, my dears, it’s very simple. It’s (and I’ve avoided foul language for over a year, but I guess it’s a brand new era on Blogjammin’) that I’ve never seen anything so fucking pathetic in all of my life. Grown men and women whore themselves out for the approval of “celebrities” that couldn’t sell a television show or record if their goddamn life depended on it. Now, I’m aware that I suck, but I still fancy myself a writer. If something I put on paper was put in front of Robert Altman, David Sedaris and the ghost of Oscar Wilde… I’d be nervous. But come on, people, do you think that you’d ever respect yourself if you quit the pen and paper based on the advice of the guy that wrote “Police Academy 3 (incidentally, that’s Citizens On Patrol… and the first use of the “Matrix Effect”).”

So, why are we arguing as to whether or not “America’s Got Talent?” I won’t even point out the pedestrian grammar in which we’re dealing (and feel free to point out in which the pedestrian grammar in which I deal on a daily basis). Nah, that’s irrelevant. The problem lies in the American Public (the proletariat in me demands that I capitalize “public”). But I’ll ask you this:

Would Steve Earle survive this contest?
Would Bruce Springsteen survive this contest?
Would Tom Waits survive this contest?
Would Bob Dylan survive this contest?
Would Tom Petty survive this contest?

I’ll take my soul with a side of Hasselhoff, if you don’t mind.

Currently Listening To: The Piano Has Been Drinking – Tom Waits…Yes, more Tom Waits.

Two posts in one day, woo!

If the economy is doing so well, then why is Vice President Cheney betting large chunks of his fortune against it? You really need to read this article, both sides of the debate REALLY need to read this.

Thursday brings us around to a couple of points I'd like to address...

I managed to catch Woody Allen's MATCH POINT last night, absolutely brilliant. It's a Woody Allen film that doesn't come off as a Woody Allen film, so if the general Woodyness of some of his work turns you off, this might just turn you on (literally, it has Scarlett Johnansson... if she doesn't turn you on then you're dead... and that counts gay men and straight women, everyone is or should be aroused by Scarlett).

The biggest mistake I made was learning much of anything about the film before actually watching it. I didn't have the ending dropped in my lap necessarily, but I did have entirely too many clues as to what was going on for my personal comfort. So, just let me beg you (I'm now on my hands and knees) to please give this one a look-see. It has charged up the list to become at least my 2nd best film of 2005, if not my pick for number one.

Match Point, even better than CHOPPING MALL!

My second point of the day is one of confession... I never gave Tom Waits a fair chance, and now I'm regretting it.

My introduction to Mr. Waits' unique brand of music came in the mid-late 90's with his contribution to the DEAD MAN WALKING soundtrack (if you don't own that record, then there's a considerable hole in your music library). The song, "Walk Away," was odd... very odd... and to be honest with you, a bit over my fifteen year old head. I then dismissed Tom as a nutball and moved on.

My next encounter with the gravel-voiced troubadour came in 2004 when my long-time friend Jeremy came back into town to stay a while in my 8th Avenue walkup... yeah, I know it's only the 2nd floor, but that sounds so much cooler. I could listen to his music all day, but found it difficult to really connect with any of the records as there were so many of them that it became impossible to distinguish one from another. The fact that the two of us went through more beer than the cast of Cheers didn't do well to steel my memory either.

However, in the last week I've found myself once again face-to-face with Tom, this time staring down a dark tunnel and hearing his words and music for what they're intended to be. I never realized how stunning "Small Change" was, or how mesmerizing "Alice" could be. I guess everyone that ever really falls in love with Tom Waits' music really needs something to click in their mind... something good, bad or indifferent, but something nonetheless.

Whether you love him or hate him, you can't deny that he may be the lord and master of the "sad bastard song." Don't believe me, then give the lyrics to "Bad Liver and a Broken Heart" a read:

Well I got a bad liver and a broken heart
yea I drunk me a river since you tore me apart
and I don't have a drinking problem
cept when I can't get a drink
And I wish you'd a known her
we were quite a pair
she was sharp as a razor
and soft as a prayer
so welcome to the continuing saga
she was my better half
and I was just a dog
and so here am I slumped
I been chippied I been chumped
on my stool
so buy this fool, some spirits and libations
it's these railroad station bars
with all these conductors and the porters
and I'm all out of quarters
and this epitaph is the aftermath
yea I choose my path
hey come on Cath, he's a lawyer,
he ain't the one for ya
and no the moon ain't romantic
it's intimidating as hell
and some guy's trying to sell
me a watch
And so I'll meet you at the
bottom of a bottle of
bargain Scotch
I got me a bottle and a dream
it's so maudlin it seems

you can name your poison
go on ahead and make some noise
I ain't sentimental
this ain't a purchase it's a rental
and it's purgatory, hey
what's your story, well
I don't even care
cause I got my own double-cross to bear

and I'll see your Red Label
and I'll raise you one more
and you can pour me a cab,
I just can't drink no more
cause it don't douse the flames
that are started by dames
It ain't like asbestos
it don't do nothing but
rest us assured
and substantiate the rumors
that you've heard.

So I guess I've now joined the legions of Tom Waits fans, should be an interesting ride. I know I'll never be half the fan that Nathan Johnson is, but I'm willing to try.

Currently Listening To: Tom Waits - Tom Traubert's Blues

Happy 5th of July everyone!

Since I wasn't around yesterday to wish you all a happy fourth, allow me to take the opportunity to wish you a very happy fifth. Ahh the fifth of July, what a magnificent day. The fifth is the day when you work to recover from your post-cookout hangover, try to decide what to do with all of those baked beans and curse yourself for buying that damn many packages of "flashlight crackers" and "snap n' pops."

Everyone chooses to celebrate America's Birthday differently. Some people I know wished the USA a good one by attending parades, participating in parades, drinking beer, blowing things up and of course jumping on a plane to Oregon... the last of which probably won't be happening every year. Unfortunately, mine was rather uneventful. As some of you know from reading this, or from just personal experience, I've had quite possibly the worst week in human history. I won't go into the gory details, but I've tripped over giant stumbling blocks each and every day, all with a back injury that has left me all but incapacitated on my couch for days upon days. Yep, summer of 2006 is really off to a bang, lemmie tell ya!

But, there's good to come from all of this. Things certainly find themselves in perspective when you're having a tough week and have nothing to do except rest flat on your back, staring up at the ceiling and dwelling on your problems. Sure, I've had a few bummers thrown my way, but I'm a very fortunate person. When you consider all of the good things in life it gets considerably more difficult to find yourself overwhelmed by the bad.

Or maybe that's the Prozac talking.

Note: The above is a joke, I am not now, nor have I ever been on Prozac, so street thugs that would kick my door in for a bottle of brain-pills would be advised to try another house.

Anyway, that's about all I have for today. I apologize for the lack of updates lately, but as I covered before I've been away from the computer and just generally not in the mood. I should be back in top form by tomorrow... or maybe this afternoon... or maybe in fifteen minutes, we'll all just have to wait and see.

Currently Listening To: Tom Waits - Bad Liver and a Broken Heart